Bob left work one Friday evening.
But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

This is not December I ordered!
Can I see your manager please!!!

Smoking reduces your life by 5 minutes
Laughter prolongs your life by 5 minutes
–
Conclusion : a laughing smoker never dies.

A lady noticed a boy in the field standing alone whilst all the other kids were running around having fun…she took pity on him and decided to speak to him

Lady: you OK😇?
boy: yes😊
Lady: you can go and play with the other kids you know😇
boy: it’s better if I stay here😒
Lady: why😵?
boy: because I’m the goalkeeper

A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. ‘Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!’

Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is already at the table, eating. He asks, ‘Son, what happened last night?’

His son says, ‘Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door’. Confused, the man asks, ‘So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!’

His son replies, ‘Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, ‘LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I’M MARRIED!’

*Moral*
Saying the right thing while drunk – *PRICELESS*

Guys please Be Safe i just saw a Lion on a Matches box

*Dating a lady with a car*

*Advantage :she can come anytime*

*Disadvantage:she can come anytime*

My neighbour’s daughter has been knocking on my door
since but I don’t want to open
Their maths homework is difficult.

That moment when u visit your
rich relative in the surburbs,
then his wife serves u 2 slices of
bread,1 egg and a small cup of tea.Then the
children come to u and ask “uncle,so u will
finish all these?”
.
In yo heart u will be like “Fotseki,i finish the
whole loaf alone,now whats this?”🍞