My girl just texted me:
” babe, I’m coming by your place, and
when i get there i want u to make me wet”💦
–
I got 5 Buckets full of water😷
She’ll know me when she gets here

You got a new boyfriend in January
& u get mad when he tells u he can’t buy u a Valentine’s day Gift🎁
–
My sister if u join a company in November,
Do u expect to get a bonus in December?

Rich on second day of marriage💏
–
He went to the make-up artist who did his wife’s bridal make-up and gave her a beautifully packed iPhone 8+ box as a gift🎁
–
The make-up artist opened the box with great happiness☺ but was suddenly depressed😔 to see a Nokia 3310 phone inside the iPhone 8+ carton
–
Rich smiled and said: “same feeling i had when i saw my wife this morning”

Husband: Why is the house not clean yet u have spent the whole day home😐
–
Wife: why are we not Rich yet u always spend the day at work?

A mad man [Rich] in a psychiatric [Mental] hospital climbed in a tree and stayed there for half of the day😐
–
He suddenly let go of the branch and fell forcefully on the ground😨 A doctor ran and asked him what happened?
–
He replied: I’m ripe

But why do we condemn girls for wanting rich guys??
even me if I was a girl I would’nt date my self!!

U can have *** with a very beautiful and fine lady
for about 5 times but she won’t get pregnant.*
_
*Try an ugly one,just 1 round,u are already a father!!*

If someone didn’t attend your funeral,
would you attend theirs?

A turkey was chatting with a bull, ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree where he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him down.
Moral of the story:
Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there…

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.
“Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted $5,000 to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Judge collapsed.

WARNING
Beware of the airtime they sell these days, they have started marking airtime which can kill you when you recharging or make a call , so please before you recharge send those digits to me, so that I can verify if its original airtime.
PLEASE i want to save your life.

Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married???
…That was common sense leaving your body!

l went for a walk at the botanical gardens today…and l saw a nice cute couple chilling under a tree ,sometime later they were doing something on the tree then they left…since l love things l went to the tree just to see,they had carved their names and put it in a heart…
Some people would find this romantic but l stood there actually shocked.
.
.
.
.
.
People are busy carrying knives on dates……….Scary!!!!

how to kiss a man”
First, come with him
, bring your face closer to him,
Islide your hand in his pocket, get his wallet! And don’t kiss him, just run!