Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.” The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “Youre wrong, thats not the moon, thats the sun.” They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky thats shining. Is it the moon or the sun?” The third drunk looked at the sky and said, “Sorry, I dont live around here.”

When I’m thinking of stop drinking alcohol
BuT something reminds me that my parents didn’t raise a quieter!!!!

Its hard breaking up with someone who is a psychologist✋
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Bruh u tell them “it’s over” and they will say:
“Bae☺, sit down,
let’s talk about this,
I can see that u have family issues,
Tell me about your childhood “

Being cheated on by the girl u love will humble you..,
You will find yourself asking your dog:
“Please tell me.. how do u treat your bitch?”

Even if God decided to call us in Heaven…
Some girls would ask him “Who Gave You My Number?

Mpendulo: Our teacher talks to herself does yours?

Rich:Yes, but she doesn’t realize it,
she thinks we’re actually listening!

During a class lesson the teacher ask Rich a question✔
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Teacher: 1+1 is equal to?😐
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Rich: 2 Madam😕
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[ Class mates laugh and clapped their hands]
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Rich quickly said: I’m kidding mam It’s 3😯
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[Class died and the teacher fainted]

The awkward moment when you have crunchy food in a room full of silent people.

We have yet another set of Army Worms preparing to attack Men’s wallets and Bank accounts on the 14th of February. Advise from the Office of The Vice President Disaster Management and Mitigation Unit is for Men to use the strongest pesticide i.e Switching off your phones and change location._

A man and his wife came home drunk and went to sleep.
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So you scrolling for what cause I said they went to sleep.??
Do you want to wake them up?

*Ladies, If you play your man like a football,
another woman will catch him like a goalkeeper,
you will regret watching the highlights*

Nyaa came from school and dancing.
His father wondered what made so happy and decided to ask.
Dad : Son I have never seen you in this mood for a
while now…..any good news u want to share?
Nyaa : Dad next year you won’t be buying any textbook, notebooks and writing materials…..
Dad : That’s my son, why …. did you win a Scholarship?
Nyaa : No! Dad I’m repeating the same class

A man at work calls home and his 8 years old daughter picks the phone:
“Hi honey, this is daddy. Is mommy near the phone?”
“No daddy she is upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” The little girl quipped.
“After a brief pause daddy says, “But honey you haven’t got an uncle Paul!”
“Oh yes I do, and he is upstairs in the room with mommy right now.”
Brief pause,“ Uh okay then, this is what I want you to do: put the phone down on the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door, and shout to mommy that daddy’s car has just arrived at the gate.”
“Ok daddy just a minute….”
A while later the little girl comes back to the phone, “Done it daddy.
””What happened honey?”
“Well, mommy got scared and jumped out of the bed naked, ran round the room screaming, tripped over, and knocked her head on the staircase ,now she is not moving at all.”
“What about Uncle Paul?” asked Dad. He jumped out the window into the swimming pool, but I guess he didn’t know you emptied the water last week. He hit the bottom and I think he’s dead.”
After a really long pause this time… Daddy says, “Swimming pool, but we don’t have a swimming pool! Is this 486-5731?”
“No, this is 486-5713” “Sorry wrong number….!!!!”

The story behind “ladies first”:
Long ago, a man ‘n woman were madly in love.They wanted to get married but their parents didn’t approve.So they decided to kill themselves.They thought the best way to do it was to leap off a cliff…The man couldn’t bare to see his sweetheart fall before him.. so he convinced her he would go first, and he jumped..
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But that bitch never did..

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
If he does not love you anymore, what do u think can make him start re-loving you?
There is only LOVE in the Dictionary, no “RE-LOVING”
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.