A wife wakes up in the middle of the night and starts applying her makeup right there in bed…… Husband stares at her and asks “Have you lost your mind ?” She Replies “I need to unlock my phone, it’s on face recognition and it doesn’t recognize me”.

A very wealthy man had a Birthday party and he invited everyone in his town. In his Mansion, he had a big pool filled with alligators. So he announced that anyone who was able to swim across the pool and come out unharmed would be granted three wishes.
Immediately, there was complete silence, nobody wanted to risk his or her life. All of a Sudden, there was a big splash and Akpos was swimming like hell! He successfully came out alive.
He was then given a round of applause. Everyone was anxious to know what gave Akpos the courage to do it, but then, the host asked, “What are your three wishes?”
Akpos replied, “Give me a shotgun, 3 rounds of shells (bullets) and show me the idiot who pushed me inside the Pool!.”

I’ve started receiving texts mostly from ladies like:
“Its being a while”
“I Missed you so much”.
“You’re so sweet my dear”.
“Where are you?”
😳😳😳
BUT
No weapon formed against my wallet will prosper this Valentines day
Amen

Phone rings☎*:
*GIRL:* Hello
*GUY:* My L♡ve how are you doing?
*GIRL:* Am fine.
*GUY:* Will you be free during the weekend, & can you come to my house🏠?
*GIRL:* Am sorry I cant make it because I will be attending my Aunty’s wedding👰and the next
day I’ll be busy, I’m so occupied.
*GUY:* Ooh ok, I was just planning to take you out for shopping, suprise you with an iPhone📱 7 (256 GB jetblack) then buy you the dress👗, louboutin shoes👠👠you’ve been asking for…
*GIRL:* I will be coming & I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my L♡ve.
*GUY:* What about the
wedding👨👰?
*GIRL:* Which wedding, I was only joking.
*GUY:* Me too!

INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the
following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its
master.
b. The moment Julie G. starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The
Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever unless you actually
marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in
a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at
will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall
never be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.

Friend or love?
B1-, buddy, I have a problem.
B2- What is it, buddy?
Yehey, my wife is fighting for a fight.
B2-, what are you fighting for?
B1- He chose me if a friend or love.
B2, so friend you chose because you’re here? 😁😂😃😄
B1- Not pre love I chose.
I love you, buddy

Read:
Not all parties happy.
– Third Party😊
Not all positive beautiful.
– HIV positive 😀
Not all 13 luck.
– 13th month pay 😁
Not all green nutritious.
– phlegm 😂
Not all test hard.
– Urine Test😇
Not all of in clothing attracts.
– edema 😅
Not all with bags come in.
– Dora 😊
Not all breaks sad.
– semester break

Announcement we will get rich soon 😍
.
.
.
.
.
.
Only money is missing

Lebo:Does this shirt make me look fat?
Tebza:No, it’s the fat that makes u look fat

Tebza:I want to be a millionaire just like my father…
Lebo:Wow… Ur father is a millionaire???…
Tebza:No… He also wanted to be a millionaire just like his father

Lesego:Doctor Tebza, I’m starting to forget things.
Doctor Tebza:Since when have u had this condition?
Lesego:What condition???

Doctor:Do u exercise daily to keep urself healthy???
Tebza:Yes Doctor… I play football and tennis daily.
Doctor:Good! How long do u play??
Tebza:I play till the battery on my phone is low…

I decorate my bedroom, to be like my classroom.
.
.
.
Just so that I can fall asleep easily…

I have noticed that most churches ⛪ are fighting against Satan 😈
.
But there’s one church that decided to fight against pigs

Maths teacher:If I have five bottles in one hand, and six In the other, what do I have???
Tebza:Drinking problem sir.
Maths teacher:Mxm