Barbara has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. “Will I die?” she asked. “Not yet,” God replied, “You will live for another thirty five years,three months, and seven days.” At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the heart attack, she decides to make the most of her life. She gets a face lift,Botox, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the colour of her hair. After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a truck and dies. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.

“What was that!?”Barbara asked. “What?” God responded, “You died.”

“You said I would live another thirty five years!”

“Oh.” God thought for a while. “I didn’t recognise you.

Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, “What a beautiful night, look at the moon.” The other drunk stops and looks at his drunk friend. “Youre wrong, thats not the moon, thats the sun.” They began to argue when they come upon another drunk. They asked, “Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky thats shining. Is it the moon or the sun?” The third drunk looked at the sky and said, “Sorry, I dont live around here.”

If 1 girlfriend can make you happy. Imagine having 10 girlfriends…

overdose happiness

l went to police station to certify some copies, while I was there I saw a picture of Sylvester being posted on the notice board written “WANTED”
Me : officer, are you absolutely sure you want this man?
Cop: (in aghast) err of course. Yeah
Me : then why didn’t you arrest him when you took him that picture?
These cops are really stupid….

Real Happiness is being the main chick in both relationships

Depression is for students from Uj, Wits, Up and UCT.
The rest of you loves attention.

Buying bras and pants for your lady and another niqqa be removing them…That’s life my bro…we live to share

Cuddling is for the rich.
No woman want to place her head on a broke man’s chest,
when the heart is beating “Debt debt debt”

Football Rules of our childhood
1-the fat is always the keeper
2-the game ends only if all players are tired (EXCEPT RULE 6)
3-no matter the score, the team that scores the last goal wins the game
4-there is no referee
5-only if it is serious
6-if the owner of the ball gets angry the game is over
7-the 2 best players can’t play on the same team, so everyone chooses their players
8-if you are chosen the last one is a humiliation
9-if there is penalty the keeper is replaced by the best player of his team and says “not for good” to mean that after the penalty, the keeper returns to his post
10-when the ball comes out of the playground to a remote destination, it’s the hitter who’s going to get the ball
11-the best player on the ground is always on the same team as the owner of the ball
12-to start a game we always said “PREE” with our mouths, the game begins”
13-to distinguish teams, a team should play shirtless
14- you kick the ball in the air to start a match
15- Its all massive attack, massive defence
16- Remember the owner of the Ball is FIFA
17- No offside
18-if your Mom calls u , someone can be playing for you and when you return you continue
If you’ve been through this like me, you can also add yours

Just heard my ex was hit by a truck.
Oh lord I 🙏 pray nothing happens to the truck

Me:mom our kettle is not working we
should throw it at the dump site
Mom:why?
Me:because its useless
Mom:wena did we throw U away when U
were born?