A man gets home early from work and hears strange
noise coming from the bedroom, he rushes upstairs only
to find his wife naked on the bed sweating and panting.
“What’s up” he asked” I am having a heart attack” the
woman cries. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for
an ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, his 4yr old son
comes up and says;”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding
in your closet and he’s got no clothes on. The man slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom
past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe
door, sure enough, there is his brother totally naked on
the closet floor. “You idiot!” the man says, “my wife is
having a heart attack and you are running around naked
scaring the kids. Come on dress up we need to take her
to the hospital”. Describe the husband in one word

I received a call in the morning and the conversation was like this:
Me: hallo
Caller: do you have a heart?
Me: yes
Caller: do you have intestines?
Me: yes I do
Caller: OK am coming to take them..

He hung up.. Eeee I was like damn wat is happening to me. Am I dreaming??
He called again after some minutes..
Me (scared) :ha hallo!
Caller: hey sorry my brother, I thought I was calling the butcher , sorry wrong number my friend…

He hung up..

RANDOM:
Did you know?…
If you send to a girl cash for transport to come over but she decides not come over and does not refund that money…
You can refer to Section 492(i) of the Criminal Procedure Act & file a case of theft under false pretence, & she can be jailed for up to 7 years?

Me: My bitch hasn’t texted me in two hours

Brain: She’s probably cheating on you

Me: No, I bet she’s just sleeping

Brain: but she slept yesterday, didn’t she?

Me: OMG that bitch! How much sleep does she need???

Brain: Breakup

Selibona Nyaa says:

If you suck one nipple, the women herself offers the other one. And that was the origin of “buy one get one free”!
2. Did you ever notice: everything on a woman’s upper body starts with a “B”. Blouse, Bra, Bikini, Boobs & lower body with a “P” Peticoat, panties, pussy…No wonder men suffer from high B P!
3. Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life no one helps you once you’re screwed.
4. Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got screwed to achieve it.
5. What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
6. 3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you ‘HANDSOME’, don’t take it as a compliment!
7. Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
8. Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife’s panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband’s dick hard, not his life..!
Now that I’ve educated. you, go ahead and educate someone else.
When a lady is pregnant,all her friends touch her stomach ad say “Congrats!”.But none of them come and touch the man’s Penis and say “Well done!”
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated: Only result matters.

I’m tired of begging everyone in this World I’ll start to live my own life from today
.
I’ll even Carry my own Coffin

When a girl says “tell me more about yourself?”, she’s asking if u are working or driving, not this nonsense of “I’m a caring and loving guy”.

If your wife/gf is rude all you need to do is to promote her to be a first lady then find a second lady!!!!

Thats how we deal with rude wife or gf.

Some South African Artists Don’t Know How To Give A Speech After Collecting An Award .. That’s Why They End Up Saying , ” i Want To Thank My Fans especially Jesus” mxm

I was in a taxi sitting next to a beautiful lady…I decided to ask for her digits
“`
She took out her phone from her bag,
switched it off infront of me and said:
“Sorry my battery is dead”
“`
☆☆☆Even now im still fainting☆☆☆

You are bathing and someone mistakenly open your door,,*
*what will you hide,,,,,,,*
*Me::i will hide my soap

I am eating and I ask you to join me and you joined me…
Are You crazy?! ….
Can’t u say: No, thank you…& let me eat in peace

1.Wife : “why r u home so early?”�

Hubby :
“My boss said go to hell!”

2.Doctor : Howz ur headache ?
Patient : she’s out of town

3. Marriage is like a public toilet . Those waiting outside are desperate to get in & Those inside are desperate to come out.

4.No Man Can Ever Be Satisfied with 4 things in life:
(1) Mobile
(2) Automobile
(3) TV
(4) Wife
Because, there is always a better model in neighborhood

5.Compromising does not mean you are wrong and your wife is right.

It only means that the safety of your head is much more important than your ego!

6.Whisky is a brilliant invention. One double and you start feeling single again.

7.It is said that when a woman closes her eyes, she sees the person she love the most and when a man does that.
The slide show begins.

8.Funny quote on a husband`s T-Shirt:
All girls are devils, but my wife is the queen of them.

9.Q- You know why women love shoes?
A- Because no matter how much & whatever they eat , the shoes always fit..

10. Q- Why can’t Women Drive well?
A- Because there are so many mirrors in a car to distract them..

11.Q- Why can’t Women stand a day in a Jungle?
A- There are no Shopping Centers..

12.Q- How to save a Dying Woman?
A- Tell her about a 90% Sale going on somewhere..

13.Q- If a Woman is Quiet, which day is it?
A- Who Cares, just Enjoy that Day..

14.The woman who invented the phrase “All men
are the same” was a Chinese woman who lost
her husband in a crowd.

15.There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen. Some have
girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what
happened=))�

16.Wives are
magicians. ….. . . . . . . . . . . They
can change anything into an
argument

17.Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY? A very INTELLIGENT man
replied: Women don’t have a wife!
True or false?

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings several times until one of the men engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: “Hello?”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes.”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only R1500. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2012 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “R450000”
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking R950000.”
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer 900,000.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you!”
MAN: “Bye, I love you, too.”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”