If she complains about you coming late at night respect her
and come back early tomorrow morning

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Having an “Ex” as your friend is like using a sugarcane as a walking stick.
Once you feel thirsty you will eventually chew it my friend.

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Teacher: “Did your father help you with your homework?”😕

Rich: “No✋…He did it all by himself”

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To any girl reading this post we are now dating weather you like it or not..
I love u baby

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You cannot show us witchcraft for a good 2 hours only to tell me at the end “TO GOD BE THE GLORY”
I’m done with Nigerian movies

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– Doctor, there is a patient on line 1 that say he’s invisible.
– Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.

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The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”

The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, “The usual?”

“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad”, says the guy.

“Me too,” says the ostrich.

The waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $42.62.”

Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the guy.

The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The guy sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

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Break ups must be the worst in China,
you’ll see her face everywhere😞

Oh I miss Kam Yung Hoe

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Not being born into a rich family was my first financial mistake.
Its been downhill since.

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I know I’m single,
but somebody cheating on me bro I can feel it

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A pregnant teenager slammed the door of a taxi and the driver shouted:
“You should have closed your legs that way!”

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Girl: Bae u always think about football. I
cant remember the last time we had sex.
All because of this game
Boy: Sorry babe. Lets do it now
Girl: Sho. So wats your favourite position
Boy: Left wing.

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I asked my mom if I was adopted.
Her reply was “why would we choose you?

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Examining a female patient brutally beaten by her husband, Doctor tells her: “Your heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The woman immediately starts taking off her skirt and underwear.
The doctor shocked said: “No! No! Please! Put on your clothes! Just show me your tongue!”

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Some of y’all complaining about thirsty men in your dm.
~•~•~
Put some clothes on and remove the filters. I promise you, they will stop..!

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A lady noticed a boy in the field standing alone whilst all the other kids were running around having fun…she took pity on him and decided to speak to him

Lady: you OK😇?
boy: yes😊
Lady: you can go and play with the other kids you know😇
boy: it’s better if I stay here😒
Lady: why😵?
boy: because I’m the goalkeeper

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