A man brings his best friend home for dinner at 7.30pm after work. He hadn’t shared with his wife so she was very
upset.

His wife begins screaming at him in front of his friend; and his friend is sitting there
looking shocked.

Wife: “The dishes are not done, the house is a mess, there is no grocery and I can’t be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?”

Husband: “Because he is thinking of getting married and I promised him a live demonstration!”

*RULES OF FOOTBALL WHEN WE WERE KIDS*
1. The fat kid was always the goalkeeper…😀
2. The owner of the ball decided who played…
3. Penalty (otherwise called PENARITY!) was awarded
only if an injured player could curse or fight a lot…😀
4. The match only ended when everyone was tired…
5. No matter how many goals you scored, the winner
would be determined by the last team to score…
6. No referee and linesmen. You could run with the ball
even behind the goalpost…
7. If you didn’t participate in repairing a damaged ball you were given a match ban…
8. If you’re picked last, you’re a loser…
9. The guy who’s never picked was to fetch the ball from the tree or bush when it got stuck, under the car or tunnel to play in the next game…
10. When the owner of the ball got annoyed, game
over…
11. You were allowed to change a goalkeeper in case of a penalty…
12. The most skillful player got automatic selection…the most bully player got automatic selection too…….
13. No discrimination, both the children of rich and the poor played together!
14. Three corners make one Penarity!
15. All players help in household work of the ball owner.
16. If the ball burst everyone contribute to pay the owner.
17. You can’t dribble the owner too much. This may lead him to stop the game by taking away his ball.
18. You can go round the goalpost still return into the field and score.
19. When you hit your toes against a stone and notice blood, you quickly cover the area of injury with sands as a form of first aid. Play continue.
20. We called ourselves by nicknames of great players especially from Brazil and England.
21. Game over when it’s dark and we can barely see the ball. We all dispersed in groups to our homes teasing one another until d last player gets home to face another round of punishment from our disciplinarian parents 🤣😁😳🙄.
This generation is missing a lot of free fun. They pay dearly ( in monetary terms) for today’s fun.

South African guys they don’t say” it’s over”……
they just stop calling.

Imagine you receive an SMS stating ” It’s over ” Whilst drinking Beers with Your Brother In Law 🤣
.
What are you gonna do

I’m tired of begging everyone in this World I’ll start to live my own life from today
.
I’ll even Carry my own Coffin 🤨

A relationship without a side chick is like a government without an opposition party. We need democracy in relationships

Before I get rich, if any relative wants to die, please die..
I don’t want to be accused of sacrificing anyone.

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Stop forgiving your boyfriend, we also want you!!!

If u slap me on my right cheek,I’ll turn my left cheek 4 u 2 slap too
Then we’ll sit down as adults&discuss how u want ur funeral

MOM ::Why are your Results so Bad ??

Me ::Bad Things happen To Good people💔

I’m not alcoholic, I only drink twice a year…
When it’s my birthday, and when it’s not my birthday…

A dog died and the owner took it to a pastor. He asked the pastor if he could organise a funeral service for the dead animal.
PASTOR: No, we can’t hold a service for your dog in our church. But there is a church down the street, maybe they will do it for you.
MAN: But pastor, will that church accept a donation of R1million? The pastor shouted and asked, why didn’t you tell me the dog was a Christian?!

A woman can date you from January to October and marry someone else in the first weekend of November. My brother, fear women😂