One day I wish to wake up in the morning,
turn on the news and hear
“Monday is cancelled, go back to sleep”

A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: Thats nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

American guy’s wallet:
Dollar bills, ID card and ATM Cards

Zimbabwean guy’s wallet:
3 Condoms, Expired ATM Cards, Voters’ Card, National ID, Shoprite Receipts, Toothpicks, Old kwacha currency etc…

American Lady’s handbag:
Money, Chocolate, ATM card , Apartment keys.

Zimbabwean Lady’s handbag:
Comb, dress, makeup kit, mirror, small pin charger, roll of toilet paper, coins, wrapper , and a Mosquito net.

True or False?

I can feel it my future wife is in need of airtime…
which network my love

*Hello . Tomorrow is my phone’s birthday (10th birthday) I was thinking maybe we could have a surprise party. Let us all send airtime to my phone. My phone will be surprised,i know my phone very well it loves surprises. it will be nice if every one is involved. Thank u *

A dad tucked his 3 year old daughter
into bed one night, read her a story
and then listened while she said a
prayer which ended “God bless
Mummy, God bless Daddy, God bless
Nanny and good-bye Grandad”.
The father asked “Why did you say
good-bye Grandad?”
The little girl said “I don’t know
daddy, it just came to me and felt
right “.
The next day Grandad died. The girls
dad thought it was a strange
coincidence.
Some months later the dad was
putting his daughter to bed at night
and just before kissing her good
night he listened to her nightly prayer
“God bless Mummy, God bless Daddy
and good-bye Nanny”.
The next day , suddenly and without
warning ,Nanny died .
“Good grief “ the father thought “my
daughter is in touch with the other
side “.
Several weeks later as the girl was
going to bed her dad heard her say,
“God bless Mummy and good-bye
Daddy”.
He virtually went into shock. He
couldn’t sleep, got up at the crack of
dawn and left for work without eating
breakfast. His head was spinning he
couldn’t concentrate . By lunchtime
he was feeling physically sick.
Watching the clock, waiting.
He figured if he could make it through
until mid-night he would be okay.
Instead of going home that evening
he stayed in the office, jumping at
every sound, drinking copious
amounts of coffee, determined not to
sleep. As mid-night passed without
incident he breathed a sigh of relief
and made his way home.
As he arrived home and entered the
house his wife said “It’s unlike you to
work so late, what’s up “.
He replied “ I’ve just had the worst
day of my life and I don’t want to talk
about it “.
She retorted “ Oh , you think you’ve
had a bad day, well you won’t believe
what happened to me. This morning
my tennis coach dropped dead in the
middle of my lesson”.

In 2020 we date our cousins we are tired of being hurt by strangers

Taxi was full,so this female nurse wearing uniform didn’t hv a seat,other man offered her to sit on top of him,this guy wanted to start conversation,are you nurse? Asked the guy, yes hw did you know?your uniform!
Then the nurse asked the guy;are you mechanic, the guy was surprised, yes I am how did you know, your jerk is jerking me

When she’s busy explaining how her last boyfriend played her i just act surprise😱as if am not gona do the same

Girlfriend And Boyfriend Chatting On Facebook.

Girlfriend: “Please Stay Up, Just A Little Longer? I Really Want To Talk To You”

Boyfriend: “No, Sorry I Gotta Go”

Girlfriend: “Pleeeeeeeeeeease?”

Boyfriend: “No, My Mom Said If I Don’t Go To Sleep Now She’ll Come Down Here And Bash My Head On The Keyboard yujehs Ndbhuji Dcb Fnekd Xnedj Ucdu Cedtmjg Tjmgjea“

Some Guys will never take a Girl out on a date. All they know is: “When will you come visit me”?? As if they’ve been admitted at the hospital.!!

Another weekend is passing by, Your friends are getting married
nd you are still there claiming that all Men are player’s..
Keep waiting You will marry the referee

When she thought you are romantic by helping her
while cooking kant he is making sure u dnt waste his braaipack

I met a girl on Facebook and we met face to face today…I decided to take her to a restaurant🏦where we can relax and talk better😊
.
I had R500💰with me🤞
.
I paid for a cab🚕to take us to the restaurant🏦which costs R200💰and I was left with R300💰When we got there before I could order something for her🙆‍♂
.
She ordered a bottle🍾of moet Champaign🥂which costs R1200💰and a meal🍱that costs R600💰…
and she asked me to go outside🚶‍♂to buy her recharged cards🖨which cost R200💰
.
Now I’m outside what do you
think I should do🤔??please help

When a short person tells you nice hair, quickly check your zip*🤣🤣🤣🤣