Forget about electric shock , nothing shocks more than
touching your pocket and not feeling your phone.

A guy sends his girlfriend who lives in another town a
letter which reads:
” I am sorry, but I’m in love with a young, cute, beautiful, sexy,
adorable, intelligent and awesome lady,
so I want us to end our relationship.
Since I no longer love u , send back my photo”.
The girl sends him a reply in a return stamped
envelope containing 50 photos of different guys.
Her reply reads:.
“I don’t remember your face. So please select your photo and
send back the remaining ones, thanks”

Classy girls don’t have any tattoos Because no one can intentionally scratch a Benz or a private jet
If you have tattoos, you are probably a rubbish lorry or kombi

TYPICAL AFRICAN
1: When making a call their finger is always on
the
end button, ready to cut the call.
2: Always check the airtime balance after each
call.
3: After cooking they always put the used
cooking
oil back in the bottle or cup for future use.
4: Empty coffee tins are used for storing sugar
&
salt.
5: When they boil milk they add water to
increase
its volume,
6: Empty mazoe & soft drink bottles are used
for
storing water in the fridge.
7: No matter how cheap something is they will
always ask for the price to be reduced.
8: If the bus conductor forgets to collect the
bus
fare they will also keep quiet till they get off.
9: When they buy mineral water they will not
throw
away the empty bottle instead they will just
refill it
with tap water
10. when they withdraw cash on ATM, they
recount the
cash in order to verify it.
11. If they buy meat or something delicious
they put in a transparent bag yet when buy
vegetables they put
them in black bag and use short-cuts
Am I lying?
How many shares?

1. Why count your money infront of the ATM?
Will you return it
if it’s incorrect?
2. It amazes me that people are afraid to talk in
the exam
room when the question clearly said “Discuss”
3. Some girls are looking for tall guys with pink
lips and six packs when their fathers are short,
potbellied with
black protruding lips…..Can’t you be humble like
your mum?
4. If People Can Use “LOL” Without Even
Laughing, Surely
They can Use “I Love You” Without Even Loving
You.
5. You’ve been Engaged since 2010, till today
you’re still
ENGAGED. MY girl, you’re not LORD OF THE
RINGS.. please
return that “key holder”!
6. Why are babies in the womb for 9 months
and aren’t 9
months old when they are born?
7. Stupidity is when u have a Land Rover +
Land Cruiser and
still have a Land Lord, the landlord will surely
not allow you
to PARK your lands on His Land………..Wise
Up!

“In our neighbourhood there was a woman who used to steal a lot,she stole everything she came accross.
One day she got sick and went to the doctor,the doctor left her in his room for few minutes.as per her habits,she thought “What can i steal?”
Luckly there was meat on a tupperware on the table and she ate all of it,thinking it was BiltoN.
When the Doctor returned,he noticed that the tupperware was empty and asked her:”Didn’t u see the Foreskins of the boys I’ve just cut This Morning??

After taking photos, the photographer says to the school headmaster “these will cost $250”
*headmaster to teachers: “tell the pupils to bring $2 each for the photos”
*teachers to pupils: “tell yo parents that we want $5 for the photos”
*pupils to parents: “mummy,the teacher said
we shud take $10 for the school photos”
*mother to husband: “honey, these money hungry schools. ..imagine junior’s teacher told him to take $30 for the school photo”
.
.
.
And u think corruption will end???

A Drunk man is stopped by the Police around 1 AM & is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to attend a lecture on alcohol abuse & ill effects on my health.”
*Police:* Really….??? Sounds interesting… Who is giving that lecture at this time of night???
*Man replies*, “My wife!!!”

*A man was walking naked in jungle. When the animals saw him, they all ran away*.
*The zebra then asked the lion, “even u, King of the jungle?”*
*The lion replied, “My friend, Keep jokes aside. That’s a strange animal. The Tail is in front*.

A rapist entered a bedroom, tied up the husband and wife, kissed the wife’s ear and went to the bathroom… The husband said to the wife “satisfy him or he will kill us, be strong. I love u” Wife said “he didn’t kiss me, he whispered in my ear dat he is gay, he needs vaseline and I told him it’s in the bathroom. So be strong, I love u too….

*Project Manager* is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in just One month.
*Procurement manager* is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
*Operations Manager* is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month if she works harder.
*Marketing Manager* is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman is available.
*Financial Budget* Team thinks they don’t need a man or woman; they’ll produce a child with zero resources.
* Planning and Technical Team* thinks they don’t care whether the child is delivered, they’ll just document the 9 months.
*Quality Manager/ Auditor* is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.
*HR Manager* is a person who thinks that…even a Monkey can deliver a Human Baby – if given 9 Months.
*Customer* is the one who is absolutely clueless as to why he wants a baby….!!!!!
Dedicated for all corporate guys

*I would like to assure the Nation that All the barmen are going to be safe and sound this Festive season. We’re only going to be targeting the beers around them. Otherwise enjoy your Christmas and New Year*