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Yesterday i saw my Ex wearing face cap,
imagine something she has not done before when we were dating,
I wonder who she is ashamed of!

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You invite a lady for a date and she brings her friend. Dont panic, devote all attention to her friend. She won’t repeat that nonsense in 2018

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A guy was on a bus and his phone rang. It
was his wife calling he wanted to show off
so he decided to put his phone on
loudspeaker and answered..Him: Hi
sweetheart miss me already baby?.Wife:
Your Shitt! Miss who?
You ate the baby’s youghurt and ran away
you pig

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Life always has many things to bring you down.
But, what can really bring you down is your attitude.

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If you see me drinking Gordon’s straight from the bottle – no dash, this december, please mind your own business. 💀
I know what I’m doing.
It’s been a rough year.

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If I meet the shopkeeper in the neighborhood today, I’ll finish with him.
Last night, I went to buy condoms, he tells me it’s finished. This morning, when my wife went to buy bread, he told her to tell me that the condoms I was looking for are now available. What is the professional secret of a shopkeeper?

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yati every time am in town I look at people…
and think to myself…
This are all,grown up sperms…
that managed to win the swimming competition 🎃

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That moment when you just lost a fight and when you get home you start thinking about all the kung fu moves you could’ve used

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This Is A Quote From Baba Saxidas Book Titled, How To Live Longer

Never Reject Any Girl In Your Life,

B’coz A Gud Girl Gives You Hapiness,

And A Bad Girl Gives You Experience,

Both Are Essential In Life…

So Enjoy Every Girl.

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Every time she goes out at night to drink🍻 with her friends💃👭, she comes back early around 3am🌃 in the morning, she knocks🚪 in the window because she lost her key and when I open the curtains⏳ to see who it is ,It’s her, she makes funny ugly😉 faces, when I open the door she walks🚶‍♀️ In like a model 💃(Cat walking) convincing me she’s not drunk🥂 but she keeps falling😑, she sends me to go out and look for her other shoe👠 “stuck in a mud ” she says. I come back she locked me out👏, she continue to make funny😬 faces through the window. She forgets we hid the spare key outside under the rock😛, 🙈👅I open the door she runs🏃‍♀️💃 and hide herself from me, she puts a bucket on her head and cover her eyes with her hands, I Ignore her and go sleep🛌. She so drunk she starts singing random songs,🌴 starts jumping on the bed🛏 like a kid, pulls me by ears 👂 and rides my back like a horse ,while I’m trying to sleep ,runs to the toilet to vomit🚽 ,I have to wakeup And Check on her ,Hold Her Hair As She Vomits😛 , make sure she’s okay😑 , She Goes To The Kitchen ,breaks Glasses🍷 I get There Shes Eating eating everything in the fridge🍎🍓🍉🍨🍢🍲🍞🍜🍤🍛🍗 shes wearing the clothes 👕👔👖She Ironed For me for work ,Takes Out her phone takes selfies🤳 I have to pick up the glasses and sweep the floor ,prepare my clothes👖👕👔 for work and hers👗 too if shes going ,when I’m done ,Im noticing shes been quiet for a while now ,I go and check her out ,I get there shes sleeping🛌 I have to pick her up and put her in bed ,I go out to switch off lights 💡 I come back She has wetened💦 the bed, now I have put her on the Couch put a blanket wrap her feet and tuck it to her and i’ll take the floor I close my eyes to sleep I hear the boom sound ,its her she fell😑 off the couch , Now We both sleeping on the floor ,she’s farting so bad I cant sleep ,I yawn as I close my eyes 📢”Trrrr trrr⏰” the alarm goes off its 6:30am I better get ready for work 😔 And You know What I Don’t Mind Cause I Love My Babe, She is my only Queen

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Have you ever typed a message and thought
“no this English is too strong for this person”
and had to simplify it

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IT guys are weak,they can’t even hack the Calender
and delete 14 February😏

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If you want to know your past,
look into your present conditions.
If you want to know your future,
look into your present actions.

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Thief: who is the son of God? 🔫

Congregation:goes 😐🤐🤐🤐.

Thief: who is the son of God,oh else I’ll shoot all of you?.

Mr Brown: ask the Pastor,he always said I am the child of God.

Pastor: uyanya I don’t know God or Jesus,I never been to heaven

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My sister, If he posts “my love” on your timeline,
also go to his timeline and post “my husband”

he can’t leave his business open and close yours

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