Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, “You skin this one while I go and get another one!”

Whoever sold a calculator to my grandmother and told her
it’s a mobile phone your days are numbered

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”
When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Saviour,” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question.
“What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.
This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!”
The Teacher fainted.

*Sweet mistake*
I wanted to send sms to my wife dat ‘I love you’.
I mistakenly sent it to my landlady. She responded “I’ve been holding myself for too long, I love you too. Please kindly stop paying rent.”

..What should I do?

Charyolo : I Want To Divorce My Wife.

Lawyer: On What Grounds ?

Charyolo: She’s Out All Night , Every Night, Going From Bar To Bar .

Lawyer : Are You Saying She’s An Alcoholic Or Do You Think She’s Cheating ?

Charyolo : No , She’s Looking For Me

BREAKING NEWS
Beer bottles and cigarrete packs have
stickers explaining their harzadous
effects….but they let women just roam
around without stickers…
very unfair

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference btwn the two words “COMPLETE” and “FINISHED”. Some people say there is no difference between ​”COMPLETE” and “FINISHED​”, but there is. When ​you marry​ the right woman you are ​COMPLETE​ and when you ​marry​ the ​wrong woman,​ you are ​FINISHED!​ When your wife ​catches​ you with ​another woman​ you are ​COMPLETELY FINISHED​ and when your ​wife​ likes ​shopping​ so much you are ​FINISHED COMPLETELY!​
Knowledge will kill me

When you’re Single you don’t even Care when your Battery is low..!

The pain of opening a
“I need a favour” message by mistake