A man takes his seat at a FIFA
world cup final.He looks to his left
& notices that there is a spare
seat betwen himself & the next
guy.
MAN: “who would ever miss the
FIFA world cup final?”
GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. We
have been to the last five WORLD
CUP finals together, but sadly she
passed away.”
MAN: “oh… that’s terrible, and
very sweet of you to have her here
symbolically by having a vacant
seat …but these are expensive
tickets; couldn’t you have brought
another family member, friend
orsomeone else with you?”
GUY: “no…they are all at her
funeral!
“MEN WILL BE MEN !!

Self Care Tips to all Husband, who take alcohol this New Year

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!

5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly

6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job

ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST

If you’re a single lady and you’re reading this…

Congratulations you now have a boyfriend😉

Hello “Bae”

When the cameraman is your boyfriend
you appear more frequently on the church screen
than the preacher

I hope no one one ever feels pressured into buying me something special when I’m visiting their home 🏠, I eat what everyone eats😃, I sit where everyone is sitting😃, I sleep where everyone sleeps😃, I was taught that at home and I grew up with it

Never show a Lady that you’re more fluent than her in English
while you’re out. Trust me, it will be your last date!

At What Age Did You Realize That
“BAE” Simply Means “Bill And Expenses

Toilet= 1 Minute
Toilet + Phone= 10 Minutes
Toilet + Phone + Wifi= 1hour
Toilet + Phone + Wifi + Charger= All Day

Am hunting for my brother from another mother,
he just won powerball jackpot hle 64mil….please help asap…

Today I actually killed a Mosquito
That bit me 3 year ago
.
That niggah thought I forgotten his face

That awkward moment when you have visitors and your mother takes out the biscuits and
drinks that you never knew that they exist in the house

Am Looking for the Bank That can Perform 2 things for me🙆
* Give me a loan
* And Leave me alone