Thank you God, not only for all the blessings,
but for the frustrations which have helped me
become a better person
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Good Morning Compatriots..! 🍞☕
~•~
First rule of quarantine: Don’t fall in love, everyone is bored…
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A Preacher finished the service one morning
by saying, ‘Next Sunday, I am going to
preach on the subject of liars.
As a preparation for my sermon, I would like
you all to read Mark Chapter 17.’
On the following Sunday, the preacher rose
to begin. Looking out at the congregation
he said, ‘Last week I asked you all to read
Mark Chapter 17. If you have read the
chapter, please raise your hand.’ Nearly
every hand in the congregation went up.
Smiling, the preacher said, ‘You are the very
people I want to talk to today.. the liars …….
Mark has only 16 chapters.’
God have Mercy.
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Whether you’re angry or hurt people should just leave you alone in most cases it’s clear that we are angry or hurt but people keep on nagging around us and that makes us even more angry and hurt…If only people know how to manage their own business and don’t interfere in every single thing you do or feel ,life would be much happier..and easier
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Teacher: what do u do after school.
1st student: I go n buy mbanje from Nyaa
2nd student: I always go buy cigarettes from Nyaa
3rd student: I pass by Nyaa’s place and buy bronco.
4th student: I stay home and do my home work.
Teacher: wow..u r a great student, I hereby nominate u as class prefect to be an example to the rest, what’s ur name again?
4th student: Nyaa
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This Thing Of Sleeping With Phone in Hands,
Now I Bought A House Online
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A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found that it is under normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
“Breast fed,” the woman replied.
“Well, take off your clothes,” the doctor asked. She did. He started to examine her breasts. He pressed them many times in different places.
Then he asked her to get dressed and he said, “Of course, the baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.
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Am I the only one who randomly slaps a 10kg of Rice in the store for no reason?
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Nyaa married a good looking lady,
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.
“I’ll be home when I want,
if I want,
what time I want,
and I don’t expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table,
unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.
I’ll go hunting,
fishing,
boozing,
and card playing when I want with my old buddies,
and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?”
His new bride said,
“No, that’s fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here
at seven o’clock every night,
whether you’re here or not.”
One word for the bride?
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Teacher : “Ronnie why are you late?”
–
Ronnie : “I didn’t have my shoes”
–
Teacher : “what?? Are you stupid? Where were they?”
–
Ronnie : “I’m not stupid, one shoe was in my dad’s hand and the other one was in my mom’s hand and they were beating each other.
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*Trouble* is when the pastor says “Those who want their businesses to grow should come up front.”
Then the owner of the local mortuary stands up!
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If you haven’t heard from bae the whole day…….
just know that the other relationship is doing fine
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Do u ever just stare at an incoming call as your phone rings, waiting for it to hang up so u can continue using your phone?😂
–
You are evil
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*U CANNOT give a woman everything she needs. If God Himself gave them eyebrows, they shave it and draw their own. God gave them nails, they cut it off and fixed their own, God gave them* *hair, they cut it off and fixed their own,He gave them breast, they repackage it to the size and shape they want. God gave the lips, every morning they paint it with different colours of lip stick.
*If even God can’t satisfy them then who are U to think that you can please them ? 😂😂. My brother don’t kill yourself*
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If you pay me a visit and I go to the toilet,
you must clap your hands until I come
back ….. I’m tired of thieves
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Girlfriend : I Am Not Able To Install “Prisma” App In My Phone.
Boyfriend : Check Your Phone Storage Is Full.
Girlfriend : Hmm ..is There Any Alternative Of This App.
Boyfriend : Yes.. Take Selfie Without “Makeup”
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