Proof of what can happen if a wife drags her husband along to go shopping.

Dear Mrs. Boshoff,

Our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with
us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over
the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO

Re: Complaints

15 Things Mr. D Boshoff has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s
carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to tampons
section.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,
“Code 3” in housewares….. and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on
lay-by.

6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror
and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the
“Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practised his “Madonna look” using
different size funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker he assumes
the foetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!

And; last, but not least!

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while;
then yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”

I’m not drunk, the floor just hates me,
the tables and chairs are bullies
and the walls get in my way.

How to TALK 👍*
Talk to *Mother* _lovingly,_
Talk 2 *Father* _respectfully,_
Talk 2 *Brothers* _heartfully,_
Talk 2 *Sisters* _affectionately,_
Talk 2 *Children* _enthusiastically,_
Talk 2 *Relatives* _empathetically,_
Talk 2 *Friends* _jovially,_
Talk 2 *Officials* _politely,_
Talk 2 *Vendors* _strictly,_
Talk 2 *Customers* _honestly,_
Talk 2 *Workers* _courteously,_
Talk 2 *Politicians* _carefully,_
Talk 2 *GOD* _silently,_
Talk to *WIFE*
~no no~ ……
*KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY…!!!*

*I’m selling medicine that causes
Landlords forget their RENT*.
*Inbox me for price*. *
Only serious customers are welcome*

I went 2 see a friend from a very rich family. D maid approached Mε̲̣̣̣̥ & asked.
MAID: What would u lyk to have, fruit juice, yoghurt, tea, chocolate, cappuccino , frapuccino or coffee?
ME: Tea pls.
MAID: Ceylon tea, Indian tea, herbal tea, kericho gold tea,bush tea or green tea?
ME: Ceylon tea pls.
MAID: how do u want it, black or white?
ME: White. …
MAID: Milk or fresh cream?
ME: With milk.
MAID: Goat milk or cow milk?
ME: Cow’s milk.
MAID: Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
ME: Uhm, lemme go with d freezeland cow.
MAID: Would u lyk it with sweetner, sugar or honey?
ME: Sugar.
MAID: Bee sugar or cane sugar?
ME: Cane sugar
MAID: White, brown or yellow sugar?
ME: Abeg, forget abt d tea, jst give me a glass of water…
MAID: Mineral, tap or still water?
ME: Mineral water.
MAID: flavored or non flavored?
ME: Entlek get me an empty glass

“Its over between us”
These words will make u look for your shoes👟in the fridge😂😂😂

She cant cook, clean, iron or wash…the only thing she knows is to be on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram 24/7…and she wants you to marry her.
My brother, her lobolla payment should be : 1gb data bundle, 10 likes and 5 comments

That Awkward Moment Umlungu Start Talking To You
and Your ENGLISH Is nowhere to be Found.

Dating a skinny chick is a problem when she is like
”Babe switch off the fan it’s pushing me”