It Takes exactly 3 hours to TURN ON a girl
who drinks Heineken

Can we meet?
If they have not ask you this question in Facebook,
my sister your ugliness is beyond makeup

Going to toilet without ur phone will force u to read
Air freshener ingredients

it Doesn’t Matter if You Don’t Smoke Or You Don’t Drink ,
Okusalayo You Also Gonna Die You Healthy Bastard

*When I was small, they told me that if I laugh at people’s conditions, I will be like them in future!*
*All my life, I have been laughing at Obama 50 cents , Tigerwoods , Bill Gates nd Donald Trump but am yet to see any changes in me!*
*Or am I not laughing enough?*

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really great about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am? ” “About 35,” was the reply. “I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into Mc Donalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29”. “I am actually 47! ” This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age. ” As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47. ” Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that? ” The old lady replies, “I was in line behind you at Mc Donalds. “

Imagine disliking me and knowing you’ll have to sit back and watch me flourish for the rest your life..! ☝😎
Ouch!! 💔

Two friends were walking home and a Lady happened to be Blowing a Kiss 😘 to one of them…..from the window of a Single Storey building.

1st friend:
Man, it looks like that Babe is
Blowing kisses at me…

2nd friend:
Guy leave her alone,
Don’t pay any attention to her.
(Then the lady signalled 🙋 to Him to come)

1st friend:
Man the babe is calling me!

2nd friend:
My friend, Don’t go.

1st friend:
Why would you ask Me not to go
When a fine Babe like that is calling me?

2nd friend:
Pal, l’m begging you,
Please Don’t go, please Don’t go

The Friend ignored Him…
And went over to the Lady,
She went to meet Him
And they both went upstairs.
Suddenly as they were about to have Fun,
They heard a Car honking.

Lady: (on opening the window)
Hell ! That’s my Husband!!

1st friend:
Shit! I’m in Trouble!!

Lady:
Don’t worry, just pretend
Like you’re the Laundry man
And iron these Clothes,
Pointing at a heap of Clothes.

The Guy spent the whole Day…
Ironing clothes because
The Husband never left home that day.

The next day he went over to his Friend’s place

1st friend:
Pal, can you believe that it was
Clothes and Clothes l ironed
Throughout the day yesterday.

2nd friend:
But I told you not to go.
All those clothes you ironed,
l WASHED THEM THE PREVIOUS DAY !!!

Men will be Men