WIFE: “Dont take my car today coz i wanna go shopping”
HUBBY: “Honey, u kip reffering to everything in the house as yours, u are supposed to use the word “OUR” in stead of “MY”.
The nextg dayh the wife seems busy looking for something whilst the hubby 9is speaking to her till he says,”Honey u aint listening to me at all right? what are u still looking for?”
the wife replied: “Honey i am looking for our pant and bra”
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Beautiful faces are everywhere but beautiful minds are hard to find
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Keep smiling
Positive thinking,
Good attitude
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There’s no way a person can wake up from inside a coffin
and not a single black person runs 🏃🏿🏃🏿away.
These pastor’s think we are fools
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Be grateful for the chance you’ve been given to be with someone. Not all people get second chances and some don’t even get a chance at all. Make every moment special so in the end, you’ll have no regrets once it’s all said and done.
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BANGWE: Honey, its like
the light in the toilet is now automatic!
WIFE: What happened?
BANGWE: When I opened the
door the light came on and after I urinated
and closed the door the light went off!
WIFE: Drunkard! you have gone to urinate
in the FRIDGE again!!!!!!
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It’s the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It’s called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.
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Signs that shows your man is gay
1.He owns a gown
2.He eats 3 slices of bread
3.He owns silk sheets
4.He has long hair
5.Long nails
6.Takes 1 hour bath/shower
7.Pictures of topless man on his cell phone
8.Follows more guys than girls on social networks
9.Too many selfies of him pouting or biting his tongue
10.MOST IMPORTANTLY, He’s a Orlando Pirates FC fan
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Meeting someone new is very stressful
You’ll have to start pretending like you have sense..!
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A man gets home early from work and hears strange
noise coming from the bedroom, he rushes upstairs only
to find his wife naked on the bed sweating and panting.
“What’s up” he asked” I am having a heart attack” the
woman cries. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone for
an ambulance, but just as he’s dialing, his 4yr old son
comes up and says;”Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Fred is hiding
in your closet and he’s got no clothes on. The man slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom
past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe
door, sure enough, there is his brother totally naked on
the closet floor. “You idiot!” the man says, “my wife is
having a heart attack and you are running around naked
scaring the kids. Come on dress up we need to take her
to the hospital”. Describe the husband in one word
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WAKE UP PARENTS*
Years back, *poor illiterate parents* produced
🔹Doctors,
🔹Engineers,
🔹 Scientists,
🔹 Accountants,
🔹 Lawyers,
🔹 Architects,
🔹 Professors.., Teachers , Nurses, etc whom I will refer to as *Group ‘A’*.
These *Group ‘A’* Children struggled on their own after Primary 6 or Grade 12, to become notable personalities. Most of them
👉🏾trekked to school *barefooted*
👉🏾went to farms
👉🏾fetched water and firewood
👉🏾cared for domesticated animals
👉🏾did some work including trading after school to survive.
Now Group ‘A’ ,who have now become Parents themselves are *producing Group ‘B’ Children*
These group B children are
🔹pampered
🔹 helped in their homeworks or home assignments from nursery school through secondary schools to higher institutions.
🔹chauffeur driven to very expensive schools or are sent abroad to study.
🔹they can watch movies from morning till dawn after school.
🔹 they are treated like baby kings and queens.
🔹they don’t do any household chores.
🔹Food is put on the table for them,
🔹their plates are removed and washed by parents or house maids.
🔹They are given expensive cars and clothes,
🔹not forgetting *big pocket money to be wasted* !!!.
🔹Their parents help them in doing their assignments.
🤔 In spite of all these, only few can *speak* or *write* correctly. 😏
🤔Group ‘A’ Parents cared for their own *parents* and *children*, Group ‘B’,their Children are still *struggling to find their feet at age 30+*.‼
🤔They find it difficult to do things on their own because they are used to being helped to think and doing things by Group ‘A’. So they can’t help themselves, their parents or the society. THEY ABANDON THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BID TO ACQUIRE THE WORLD
😴 *Where do you belong*❓
🏮Reduce the pampering and the unnecessary help you offer your children.
🏮 Let your children *grow in wisdom, intelligence and strength*.
🏮Let them face the truth and the realities of life. Teach them to grow to become *independent adults.* Teach them to
👉🏾fear God,
👉🏾respect others and
👉🏾develop confidence in themselves.
🤔Parents, discipline your children to become disciplined adults, *useful* and not *useless.*
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Life’s Little Instructions …
Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you retire, save.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you die, give.
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Your mother bore you For 9 months ,
She watched her feet Swell, she struggled to Climb stairs,
She got breathless quick, She bore excruciating pain,
She suffered many sleepless Nights,
She became your nurse, your Chef, your teacher, your Cleaner, your launderette your Friend.
She struggled for you, but not Did she see it as a struggle,
Not once did she develop Regrets after all this …
How dare you say even “uff” to her …
I love my mother beyond limits
Do you … ? ? ?
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Wife : “what are u doing?”
–
Ronnie : “nothing”
–
Wife : “nothing??, you have been looking at our marriage certificate for an hour now”
–
Ronnie : “I was looking for the expiry date”
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This year I wanna meet a girl with books and files bump into her then they fall… We pick them up together look into each other’s eyes and live happily ever after
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I’ve called the police using my Hurricane cellphone then boom!! There’s an ambulance in front of my gate. I wonder who seek medical attention
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