95 year old man: ‘Doc, my 18yr-old wife is
pregnant, whats yo opinion?’ Doc: ‘Let me
tel u a story. A hunter, in a hury grabed an
umbrela instead of his gun and went into
the jungle. He saw a lion, pointed the
umbrela the lion and pulled the handle.
BANG!! The lion fell to the ground and
died!’ Old man: ‘No ways! Some1 must
have shot the lion for him!’
Doc: “EXACTLY!”

Never show a Lady that you’re more fluent than her in English
while you’re out. Trust me, it will be your last date!

*2 villages decided to have a drinking competition.*

A week before the competition, Village A sent Muza to Village B to confirm if the competition will be held.

On arrival, the people of Village B brought 20Ltrs of their strongest ram brewed beer.

Muza asked if he could taste and he was permitted to.

Instead of just tasting, he finished the 20Ltrs at once, and said: *”This is ok….. Where is the main drink?”*

The King and the people of this village were all shocked because nobody had ever taken more than 5Ltrs of this beer and stood breathing!

Then they asked him, *”Are you among the competitors?”*

Muza said, *”Me? Nooooo! I didn’t qualify…”*

_Competition cancelled.

got a lift from a Golf 7 GTI today it was amazin……when i got off i almost gave the guy my number, Ladies i understand now

Dearth Raw💀

Is When You Tell Your Best Friend About How Nice Your Men Is In Bed And She Excidentaly Say “I Know Plus He Is Too Huge”

Bride: Free mode
Groom: Free mode
•°••°•°••°•
Are we going to eat at your wedding..??

Every time she goes out at night to drink🍻 with her friends💃👭, she comes back early around 3am🌃 in the morning, she knocks🚪 in the window because she lost her key and when I open the curtains⏳ to see who it is ,It’s her, she makes funny ugly😉 faces, when I open the door she walks🚶‍♀️ In like a model 💃(Cat walking) convincing me she’s not drunk🥂 but she keeps falling😑, she sends me to go out and look for her other shoe👠 “stuck in a mud ” she says. I come back she locked me out👏, she continue to make funny😬 faces through the window. She forgets we hid the spare key outside under the rock😛, 🙈👅I open the door she runs🏃‍♀️💃 and hide herself from me, she puts a bucket on her head and cover her eyes with her hands, I Ignore her and go sleep🛌. She so drunk she starts singing random songs,🌴 starts jumping on the bed🛏 like a kid, pulls me by ears 👂 and rides my back like a horse ,while I’m trying to sleep ,runs to the toilet to vomit🚽 ,I have to wakeup And Check on her ,Hold Her Hair As She Vomits😛 , make sure she’s okay😑 , She Goes To The Kitchen ,breaks Glasses🍷 I get There Shes Eating eating everything in the fridge🍎🍓🍉🍨🍢🍲🍞🍜🍤🍛🍗 shes wearing the clothes 👕👔👖She Ironed For me for work ,Takes Out her phone takes selfies🤳 I have to pick up the glasses and sweep the floor ,prepare my clothes👖👕👔 for work and hers👗 too if shes going ,when I’m done ,Im noticing shes been quiet for a while now ,I go and check her out ,I get there shes sleeping🛌 I have to pick her up and put her in bed ,I go out to switch off lights 💡 I come back She has wetened💦 the bed, now I have put her on the Couch put a blanket wrap her feet and tuck it to her and i’ll take the floor I close my eyes to sleep I hear the boom sound ,its her she fell😑 off the couch , Now We both sleeping on the floor ,she’s farting so bad I cant sleep ,I yawn as I close my eyes 📢”Trrrr trrr⏰” the alarm goes off its 6:30am I better get ready for work 😔 And You know What I Don’t Mind Cause I Love My Babe, She is my only Queen

If you can’t control your woman…
Then you’ve found the right one..!

– There Are 5 Types Of Fear : 👇
.
1. Terror
2. Panic
3. We Need To Talk
4. 20 Missed Calls From Mom
5. Username Or Password is incorrect
.
What’s Missing ?