R.I.P to Jack Daniels ⚰
JACK DANIELS was found dead today by JOHNNY WALKER at
SAVANNAH Street near the CASTLE in RED SQUARE centre.
His wife HENNESY and their two sons HANSA & AMSTEL have been crying under an AMARULA tree ever since.
Mr HEINEKEN thinks he was killed by HUNTERS who shot him
with a STRONG BOW. His FOUR COUSINS confirmed he was coming from Club J&B in MELLOW WOOD on
4TH STREET.
It appears that he had an affair with Mr HUNTERS wife SARITA. She also feared for her life & moved to NEDERBURG.
CAPTAIN MORGAN is still investigating this case but evidence points that Mr. J.C Le ROUX is also a suspect.
The funeral will be held at KLIPDRIFT & performed by pastor FISH EAGLE as soon as the church BELLS ring tomorrow.
We hope JAMESON and his wife NAMAQUA will arrive on time. They have to fly over TWO OCEANS to get here…
Share This with All Our Alcoholic Friends For a laugh… Let the GUARANA’s begin!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Even if you’re not an Alcoholic, share it to make someone’s day..

Some of You will just wake up in the morning and
start pressing your phone without checking if you can even walk.

I just washed a “Polo” shirt I bought from China mall
this afternoon and
the man on the horse decided to stay in the water

How to handle someone who is trying to sell you things you don’t need, on the telephone;
10. When they ask “How are you today?” Tell them! “I’m so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died.” …..

9. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where their company is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about them for as long as necessary. Such as when did their company start, who was the founder, are they still with company?

8. Cry out in surprise, the name of the telemarker name such as “Judy! Is that you? Oh my gosh! Judy, how have you been?” Hopefully, this will give “Judy” a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.

7. If they call trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, “I don’t have any friends… would you be my friend?”

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on “home arrest” and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home, right?” The telemarketer will agree and you say, “Now you know how I feel!”

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”

And first and foremost:

1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.

My guy!
Perfume is important,
but roll-on is importanter…
and taking a Bath is more importanting!!!

They Know They’re Ugly When They Post Pics And Add Captions Like:
👇👇👇
“My Smile Tho, My Nose Tho, My Eyes Tho, My Lips Tho, My Butts Tho”.

I will heart react to your pictures
even though you got a Boyfriend,
You know why?
•°•°•
I can fight..!

Vodacom be like:
Recharge with R250 airtime for three years every month to unlock your R3 advance

We don’t care if you came at Uj to do your Honours,
Masters or PHD oksalako you are a first year.

I hate people who can’t handle alcohol.
Yesterday my friends dropped me three times while carrying me home

Being Single is a Sin even the word itself begin with “Sin”

A man checked into a hotel.There was a computer in his room,so he decided to send a mail to his wife,so he accidentally typed the wrong email address,and without realising he sent the mail to a widow who has just returned from her husband’s funeral.The widow decided to check her mail,expecting condolence messages from relatives and frends.After reading the first message she fainted.The son rushed into the room,found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:”To my loving wife,I know u are surprised to hear from me,they have computers here and we allowed to send mails to loved ones.I’ve just been checked in.How are u and the kids.The place is realy nice but l am lonely here.I’ve made necessary arrangment for yo arrival tomorrow.Expecting u darling.I can’t wait to see u!

Teacher:if you gave your friend R5000 and he only needed R4000,,how much wl he give you back?
Student: R0.00
Teacher: you don’t know maths
Student: you don’t know my friend

My Dad Opened a Brand New Zoo and made the entry R10 000 and nobody came so he reduced it to R5 000 still nobody came he reduced it again to R2 500 still Nobody Came he reduced it again to R500 Still Nobody Came and finally he made it for free and the zoo was filled within a minute… So He opened the lions cage and quickly made the exit R30 000

How can a guy without passports tell u that u are the most beautiful girl in the world?Where in the world has he been to?
Such lies must end this year.

If Doors Of Opportunity Don’t Open in 2019,
We Using Windows.. Are We Together?