When Your Life Is In Darkness,
Pray God And Ask Him To Free You From Darkness.
Even After You Pray, If Your Still In Darkness,
Please Pay The Electricity Bill.
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A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
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On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
“What’s the matter? Are you sick?”
“No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see an old lady standing.”
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A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love.
The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, “I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says, “You are going to meet the most beautiful girl, who is going to be very interested in you and will want to know all about you. She will want you to open up for her and you will give her your heart.”
“That’s great!” says the frog. “But what’s the bad news?”
“Well, you’re going to meet her in Biology class.
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They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like, hello? It’s only 25 cents!”
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The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $18.40 please.” The man reaches into his pocket and, without looking, pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the guy and the ostrich come again and the guy says, “A hamburger, fries, and a coke.”
The ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”
Again the guy reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes routine until one night they enter the restaurant and the waitress asks, “The usual?”
“No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad”, says the guy.
“Me too,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the order and says, “That will be $42.62.”
Once again the guy pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”
“Well,” says the guy, “several years ago I was cleaning my attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”
“That’s right. Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the guy.
The waitress asks, “But, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”
The guy sighs and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”
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A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks, “Can I help you, sir?”
The man answers, “What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?”
The bartender says, “That would be $2.60.”
“Alright, I’ll have one,” says the man. He takes 26 dimes out of his wallet and throws them all on the ground. The bartender doesn’t want to get involved in a fight so he just picks up the money and he brings the man his coffee.
A week later, the same man enters the bar. He orders a coffee again but this time he pays with a five dollar bill.
The bartender smelled an opportunity for revenge so when he brings the coffee, he throws 48 nickels on the ground as change. The man drinks his coffee leaving the change on the ground. A few minutes later he throws two dimes on the floor and orders a second coffee.
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Ignore a girl,and she will chase you.
Ignore a woman,and she will replace you
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A couple had a fight one night
when they were going to bed,
Husband Taunted:Good night mother of 3 kids.
Wife Replied:Good night Father of none
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SOME GIRLS BE LIKE “I want a man who can
protect me” But They have already rejected 12
security guards .My sister what do you really
want, electric fence?
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If your girlfriend comes home from school and
says “School was fun..” She is cheating! My
brother there is nothing fun about school! She is
dating the lecturer.
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You are renting a 1 room and you come here on
Facebook and post stuff like; “Having breakfast in
bed” like you have a choice.
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Have you ever been hurt
by your side chick and feel like
telling your wife??
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Tell her she’s beautiful instead of hot,
she’s a “WOMAN” not a temperature
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Tell him he is handsome not cool
he’s man not an ice cream.
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My Girlfriend Told Me To Delete My Fb Or She Is Leaving…
.
.
Guys Be Right Back Let Me Help Her To Pack Her Bags..
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