Most ladies go to parties with empty big handbags but when they come back………, their handbags are full of food and drinks🍪🍩🍰🍫🍬🍣🍢🍾🍷🍸!!!!

Ladies please let this habbit go with july…..we dont want this from 1 august on-wards😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I think its loud and clear!!!!
Busy in studio polishing my pics….will upload soon!! Get ready

Girls with big boobs are more cheerful and friendly but the ones with small boobs are rude and naturally wicked!!!!

Lets not argue on this!!!

A man happily updated his status on facebook ‘Thank you God😍😍…..i have just got my salary’ 10 minutes later he was so sad😐😏 and down😪….!
Do you know why…….???
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His landlord liked his status

Still dont understand people….! You will hear him/her saying ‘I’m leaving this satafrika’ while you dont have even taxi money to go to town😂😂😂😂😂😂

You are too ambitious

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

“Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight. – Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

“Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t wait up.”

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A MAN AND A
WOMAN
Man calling his lady on phone
Calling. Calling. Calling. Calling.
Calling. No answer!
Calling. Calling. Calling. Calling. Calling.
Calling.
No answer
Then man says to himself “Maybe she’s
sleeping
or she is in the
bathroom.” A lady calling her man
Calling. Calling. Calling She angrily cut the call
& says to her self
“I knew it! he’s with another girl”
TRUE/FALSE?

ladies if your boyfriend/husband
is cheating on u…
boil water … Let it boil,boil and boil,boil boil…
While water is still boiling wait 4 him to fall asleep…….
Whn ur very sure dt he is sleeepin….
thn make some tea nd drink
Tea reduces stress
stop crying…!

IRONY OF THE LIFE WE LIVE
1: A lawyer wants you in trouble
2: A doctor wants you sick
3: A policeman wants you to be a criminal
4: A teacher wants you born stupid
5: A landlord wants you without a house
6: A prostitute wants you not married
7: A dentist wants you with decayed teeth
8: A mechanics wants your car broken down
9: A coffin maker wants you dead
10: Only a thief wishes you prosperity!!!!!!!!!!
Crazy world we living in

In secondary school, I was very poor in maths. During exams, I’d get between 2% and 8%. The results used to be announced sequentially, that is from the lowest to the highest marks. So I would always be the first or second to be called out.
One day, the maths results were announced and my name wasn’t among the first to be called out. The teacher got to 30%, 40%, 50%, 60% and 70%, still my paper had not been called out. Everyone in the class kept looking at me asking, “Guy what…’s up? How did you pass this exam?”
By the time the teacher got to 80%, I was already grinning in excitement. When he got to 90%, he had only one paper remaining. I then asked myself, could I have scored 90% in maths? I was feeling very anxious and happy now. I thought my dreams have been answered. The whole class was amazed as everyone kept looking at me. It was unbelievable. Finally the teacher looked up and said, “A stupid student here did not write his name on the paper and he scored 0%. If you have not received your paper come and get it now!”

The reason my friend got divorced.
On his birthday, his
wife didn’t wish him, his parents
forgot and so did his kids.
He went to work, Even his
colleagues
didn’t wish him….
As he entered his cabin his
secretary
said,” Happy Birthday Boss” he felty
so special, She asked him out to
lunch.
After lunch,she invited him to her
apartment.
They went there,
She said in a sexy voice,”Do you
mind if i go into the bedroom for a minute?”
“OKAY”, he said nervously
She came out 5 min later with a
cake and his Wife, his Parents, his
Kids, his Friends,his inlaws and his
Colleagues…
All Screaming, SURPRISE!
SURPRISE!
And he was waiting on the
sofa……NAKED!

Mother: “Nyaa mtanami I have a confession to make.
I should have told you long ago but I didn’t know how
you would take it. I’m sorry I slept with someone that
is not your dad 23 years ago.
And that person is your real father.”
Nyaa: “Mum, what rubbish are you telling me!
How am I to deal with this devastating news?!
You should be hanged for this.”
Mother: “Nyaa, I’m sorry he was my first love and
I could not marry him for reasons I want to keep private.
He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak
with his son for the first time ever.
Please take the phone and talk to him
Nyaa : “No I am speaking to any one.
I’ll never speak to him. Mr Mdlawuzo is the only father I know
and so will that be.
Mother: “Please don’t be so upset. Just say something to him.”
Nyaa : “Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind!”
Nyaaa: “Helloee
Caller: “Morning Son, I am Bill Gates . I am your real father.”
Nyaa : “Dad! Dad!! Dad!!! Thank God! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh
Thank God!!!!!! Love you so much Dad!!!!!
I’ve always known there was something
special about me”
One word for Nyaa?

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Cowra.He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
The old farmer Peter replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial lawyers in Australia and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”
The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we settle disputes in North Cowra. We settle small disagreements like this with the ‘Three Kick Rule’.”
The lawyer asked, “What is the ‘Three Kick Rule’?”
The Farmer replied, “Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.”
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees!
His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer’s last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer’s third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.
Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very
slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, “Okay, you old fart. Now it’s my turn.”
(I love this part)
The old farmer smiled and said, “Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.”
MORAL:
When you are educated, you’ll believe only half of what you hear.
When you’re intelligent, you’ll know which half

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he’s driving a car. The nurse asks him, “Matome, what are you doing?” Matome replied, “Driving to Durban!” The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Matome’s room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, “Well Matome,how are you doing?” Matome says, “I just arrived in Durban” “Great,” replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Matome’s room and goes across the hall into Jwanese room, and finds Jwanese sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, “Jwanese, what are you doing?!” Jwanese says, “I’m screwing Matome’s wife while he’s in Durban

THIS WOMAN…
An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said,
“Pardon me, madam..
I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?”
“Yes, I know,” said the lady.
“I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat.”
“But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties
and your privates are exposed!” said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man
and replied, “Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday!”

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
“Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?” ☺

Michael said: ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’ 😠

The teacher responded by saying: ‘That would be rude and impolite’

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said: ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.’ 😶

‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. 😏

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners? 😠

Johnny said: ‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.’ 😳😳

The teacher fainted..

Yellow bones behave as if they were
there when God said let there be
light…😕!?