Dear ladies…
Call him today and tell him you are coming and
sleep over his place….
then switch off your phone and sleep
Make that idiot to clean his room..

Morning

I just bought DSTV dish,
they have installed it.
Now i need to go and pay tomorrow,
do i take the decoder and dish or
will they also need the remote??..

Last night a 17 year old boy walked into a bar and ordered 6 packs of hunters. After drinking he got up to leave, but he was stopped by the waiter. Excuse me you’ve not paid the bill. The boy picked up the bottle and read: “not for sale to persons under 18” call the police.

IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU WERE WANTED TO BE A NURSE OR DOCTOR….
NOW YOU HAVE 5CHILDREN
I GUEES YoU ARE STILL DOING YOUR DREAM JOB

Marriage is a workshop,
where the husband works and the wife shops

FATHER AND SON
A man followed his son to his
school’s end of the year party.
He saw other pupils being
awarded gifts for their
performance. His son did not
collect any.
MAN: God! Why do you give me
this kind of son? Are these not
children too? At least, they belong
to a parent too. Who will not be
happy to see his child perform
well like this?
The son heard this and was sad.
When they end the program they
walked out and wait for an Taxi
or Bus, while others are going
directly to their different cars.
SON: God! Why have you given me
this kind of father? Are these not
someone’s father, too. Who will
his father have an Air Conditioned
Jeep and will not be happy? See,
see them as they are enjoying!
The man heard this and gave the
son a dirty slap
MAN: silly boy, , dont you know
that if you study hard now, you
will buy a Jeep too?
SON: Dad, that means you did not
study hard when you are young.
Thats why you dont have car..

A girl returns home after
15 years!
Father : where
the hell have u been all
this years?*angry* Girl: I
was working as a
PROSTITUTE in the U.S.A.
Father: wtf?? Get out of
my house u whore, I dont
want to see your face
again
Girl: *cryn*, before I
go dad. I came to give u a
$5 million cheque, n here
is a $1million for my
brother. I had build a big
house for u in the
northern surburbs wit
evrything in it includin a
ferarri n a Bugatti. Bye
dad
Father: what kinda
work u said u where doin
*smilin*
Grl: a PROSTITUTE
dad*cryn out loud*
Father: Come n give daddy
a big hug, I thought u said
u where a ” PROTESTANT

There was this guy at a bar , just
looking at his drink . He stays like
that for half an hour,
Then, this big trouble-making
truck driver step next to him ,
takes the drink from the guy and
just drink it all, The poor man
started crying. The truck driver
says, “Come on man, i was just
joking. Here, I will buy you
another drink, i just can’t stand
to see a man cry.
“NO it is not that.This day is the
worst day of my life, first i fall
asleep and go late my office, my
boss outrageous fires me, when i
left my building to my car, i found
out it was stolen, the police said
they can do nothing . I got a cab
to return home, and when i left
it, i remembered i forgot my
wallet and credit cards there, the
cab driver just drove away.
I got home and found my wife in
bed with a gardener. I left home
to this bar, and when i was
thinking about putting an end to
my life, you showed up, UYANGIPHAPHELA and u
drink my poison…

A man calls a radio show during
dedication time.
Man:am calling to report abt a lost
n found item.
Presenter:Go on.
Man:I picked a wallet tht contains
a gold watch,50 k notes n an ID
wth a name Richard Onyango
Presenter:So, yu want me to help
you find the owner?
Man:No!I want to dedicate him
the song U SAVED ME by R. Kelly.

`THIS IS A KILLER“`🀄

This is how I stopped dating school girls:
She came to my place in a school uniform, looked into my eyes and said, “Sweetheart, I have missed my periods.” That’s when I fainted and woke up in a hospital. I overheard her telling the nurse that, “I didn’t know he cared so much about my school life, all I wanted to tell him was that, I had missed my periods for Maths and English, *(so that I could find time for him)*
but he fainted before I could finish.”

I called the police yesterday after smoking weed
~
Me : yoh yoh yoh many people are dead here
Police man : sir calm down where are you ?
Me : At the graveyard

I asked a Chinese girl for her number.
She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!”
I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

When asked the similarities between

Woman 💃🏼
&
Alcohol 🥃

Shakespeare replied,

They both have the amazing quality of giving Pleasure at night and Headache in the morning !

If you see a text ‘helo there dear’ from a lady. My brother dont bother to reply that text….its month end and its time for favours so just read, delete the message and go offline sametime……
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Thats how to protect your wallet!!!!!

Husband: “Why are u so angry baby?”😕

Wife: “Our son just called me a bitch”😡

Husband: “oh wow, that disrespectful son of a bitch

In a bus, two women were fighting over a seat,
And the angry drive shouted: “the ugly one should take the seat”
The two women stood up the whole journey😂😂😂
Some drivers are as wise as King Solomon…