I am not a prophet but i can tell that your
bae is going to cheat on you
this coming weekend!!!!!!!
They dont even fear God……

Wait for it💔💔💔

Good morning …..unfortunately my neighbour
changed his wifi password.
Anyone to share me data

If she’s still standing after drinking 6 packs of smirnoff storm,
she is a witch

Stepson: “the electricity is gone”
Step father: “Yes just like your father”

Shout out to the lady who complains about
being single but never goes out✌

I guess your soulmate will have to
break into your house then.

Cuddling is for the rich.
No woman want to place her head on a broke man’s chest,
when the heart is beating “Debt debt debt”

If I kiss you by mistake.
What will you do

1:Kiss back
2:ignore
3:Cry
4:laugh
5:slap me

Apart from Castle Lite & Facebook Lite 😊
.
Which other Beer 🍺 do you know?

Nowadays
Father 👨 2000
Mother 👩2001
Child 👶 2018

why it is difficult for a woman to leave
abusive relationship than broke guy

Me: How ar u dear
Her: I’m okay
Me: Hope u r having a cool night
Her: Yes
Me: what’s ur best colour
Her: Stop asking questions​ which makes no sense……..ask reasonable intellectual questions….OK
Me: How many moles of sulphuric acid is needed to neutralize 5ml of sodium carbonate and also to neutralize 5 volume of sulfatate
Her: My best colour is yellow…
And u??

A man takes his seat at a FIFA
world cup final.He looks to his left
& notices that there is a spare
seat betwen himself & the next
guy.
MAN: “who would ever miss the
FIFA world cup final?”
GUY: “that was my wife’s seat. We
have been to the last five WORLD
CUP finals together, but sadly she
passed away.”
MAN: “oh… that’s terrible, and
very sweet of you to have her here
symbolically by having a vacant
seat …but these are expensive
tickets; couldn’t you have brought
another family member, friend
orsomeone else with you?”
GUY: “no…they are all at her
funeral!
“MEN WILL BE MEN !!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the State house, where the President lives.
The 1st from INDIA, the 2nd from CHINA & the 3rd from Zimbabwe.They go with State House official to examine the fence.
The Indian takes out a tape & did some measuring, works some figures “Well”, he says, “I figure the job will cost $9,000. ($4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my teamv& $1,000 profit for me)”.
The Chinese does some measuring & figuring, says,”I can do it for $7,000. ($3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my team & $1,000 profit for me)”.
The Zimbabwea did not even measure or figure out anything, but he walks around the State House & whispers “$27,000.” The official says, “You didn’t even measure how did you come up with such a high figure?” The Zimbabwean whispers “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, & $7,000 to hire the Chinese to do the job.”

Girls please stop trying to impress guys with
english
Boy:darling
Girl:hi baby
boy:how are you
girl:i am fun
boy:you are fun?!
girl:oops!sorry i meaning i am find
boy:eh,what you doing?
girl:the tv is washing me in Muvhango
boy:lol,k!who u with?
girl:my mother,my father and my parents
boy:yho!so when am i gonna see you? girl:ah
baby,but you is told me you are moneyless now
you wanna look me to the sea!
boy:lmao yoooh! What do you mean? girl:baby
laughing for who? Ah u see i make a stock of
laughing
boy:eh baby,I will call you coz ur texting is cripled
girl:ok baby,I am go waiting for ur missed
call,shap shap! lol
its better if you text in your own language

THOUGHT OF THE DAY*

There are many things we can learn from dogs like being loyal, protective, caring and loving unconditionally but we choose to learn one
thing …. Dog Style.

Why people? Why.

new army captain inspected the soldiers in their barracks. He noticed a female horse.
Captain: What’s the horse for?
Soldier: We use her if we feel an urge to have sex.
Captain: Ah, that’s good.

One night, the captain feels an urge, and the soldier brought the horse to his tent.

When the captain was done, he saw the soldier smiling outside his tent.
Captain: It’s so hard and high eish….how do you guys do it?
Soldier: We ride on the horse to the next town where the girls are.
Captain: 😛

You always check your man’s phone
but won’t check your child’s homework.
My sister close your eyes
let’s pray for satan to leave you alone.