Imagine going through your bae’s phone and see.
“sidechick” in the call log and when you call it
BoOom!. . your phone rings..

*When I was small, they told me that if I laugh at people’s conditions, I will be like them in future!*
*All my life, I have been laughing at Obama 50 cents , Tigerwoods , Bill Gates nd Donald Trump but am yet to see any changes in me!*
*Or am I not laughing enough?*

When Bill and Hillary first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under our bed. You must promise never to look in it. “In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box there were 3 empty beer cans and $1,874.25 in cash. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her guilt and she confessed, saying, “I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked in the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box? “Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess that after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again. “Hillary was shocked, but said, “I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the number of years we’ve been together. “They hugged and made their peace. A little while later, Hillary asked Bill -“So why do you have all that money in the box? “Bill answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans… I took them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash! “

When your wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks
“Dear do have any women in your life other than me”?
Remember your answer is not important at this time
Important is your heartbeat. Keep your heart beat in control
So be careful

I have worked hard for my money,
that’s why my girlfriend is jetting off to Brazil to do her hair.

Apart from Castle Lite and Facebook Lite
–
Which other beer do you know??

I just like it when these pretty
boys, become gays. That means
more girls for us.

Nyaa was in love wit a cert girl bt neva had the
guts to tell her. One night around 11pm he gatherd
some courage and sent her a text saying, ‘I love
u, I wanna date u. Pls reply and tell me how u
feel’.
A few secs later he recieved a meseg alert on
his fon. He was so scared & tensed to open it
dat night so he decided not to check and reply until the
next morning when he’s less tensed. When he woke
up the nxt day he prayed seriously abt d msg for
gudnews, did his morning chores, brushd his
teeth…ate his brkfast, had his bath, dressed up
then climbed into bed n picked his fon to read d
msg.
This was d response he read:
“Dear customer you hav insufficient balance to
send dis msg. Please recharge your
account and try again.”

man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into Skebhe’s house to look for money and guns.
Inside, he finds a Skebhe and his wife in bed.
.
He orders the Skebhe out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying Skebhe’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
.
While he’s in there, Skebhe whispers over to his wife:
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict.
Look at his clothes!
He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain… do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous.
If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!”
.
Skebhe’s wife responds:
“He wasn’t kissing my neck.
He was whispering in my ear.
He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline.
I told him it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you too!..

After 10 years, the wife starts to think their kid looks kinda strange so she decides to do a DNA test.
She finds out that the kid is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our kid

Husband: Well you dont’t remember, do you??
When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had pooped.
Then you said:
– Please go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.

BREAKING NEWS!!!
A diesel tanker carrying 33,000 litres of diesel
this afternoon was at a very high speed along
bulawayo road when the driver spotted a motor bike
that was also at high speed coming towards him.
Meanwhile, the motor bike rider was carrying a
7 months pregnant woman who was just coming
back from chegutu Hospital.
To cut the story short, as they got closer to each
other the tanker driver looked closely and
identified the motorcycle rider to be his
childhood friend. They both slowed down,
stopped, hugged each other, spoke for a while
and continued their journey.

The lawyer hopes you get into trouble, the doctor hopes you fall sick, the police hopes you become a criminal, the teacher hopes you are born stupid, the coffin maker wants you dead, only the thief wishes you prosperity in life so that he can steal from you.
IT’S WORLD’S THIEVES DAY , Send to any thief you know. It came to me by mistake,don’t send it back to me..

Pls let me know if you can help – A friend of mine bought tickets to the Champions League final match .. the problem is that he completely forgot that its his wedding on the same day … coz he bought the tickets few months before fixing his wedding date …. Now he wants to know if anyone is interested in getting married….!

“My Pastor asked me how much I bought my iphone 7 for, and I said R2,000 instead of R10,000 , because I did not want him to shout and ask how much I give to God. Then he gave me R4000 to buy two for him and his wife.
The money is still with me since last sunday; I don’t know what to do .
Please advise me