When they move from Europe to Africa =Voyages of discovery.
When we move from Africa to Europe =Illegal immigrants.
A group of Africans in Europe =Refugees.
A group of Europeans in Africa = Tourists .
A group of Africans in the bush = Poachers .
A Group of Europeans in bush = Hunters !
Black people working in a foreign country =Foreigners.
White people working in a foreign country=Expatriates!!
This world has failed Africa!
There Was A Party & The Host Was Getting Worried
Because There Were Too Many People And Not Enough Refreshments.
Host Wasn’t Sure If All Of Them Were Invited Or Not.
Then He Got An Idea.
He Turned To Guests & Said: “Will All Those From The Bride Side Of The Family Please Stand Up?”
About 20 People Stood.
Then He Asked: “And From Groom’s Side?”
About 25 More People Stood.
Then He Smiled & Said: “Will All Those Who Stood Please Leave, This Is A Birthday Party”
With all due respect for the
LAWYERS
A lawyer who had a wife and 12 children needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to re-occupy the home.
He was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.
When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.
He couldn’t say he had no children, because he couldn’t lie…. “WE ALL KNOW”…lawyers cannot and do not lie. (?????)
So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.
He loved one of the homes and the price was right — the agent asked: “How many children do you have?
He answered: “Twelve.”
The agent asked “Where are the others?”
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered “They’re in the cemetery with their mother.”
MORAL: It’s not necessary to lie. One only has to choose the right words… And don’t forget, unfortunately most politicians are lawyers.
Girlfriend : You’ve never smiled at me ever since we started dating, why?
Jonso: You said you want a serious relationship.
The way female bankers explain account opening is so sexy…..
They will be like…..
I will open it for you so you can put something inside okay
Whether big or small just put something.
A baby was born and minutes after he began to speak: I am going to live only 4 days, my Mother will die in 6 days and my Father will die in 15 days. 4 days later the boy died, after 6 days the Mother died. The Father was crazy coz the next one will be him. He sold everything and spent the whole money. 15 days later the neighbour died. Do not rush in solving problems.
I went to a chemist store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman I spoke to said she was the only pharmacist and since she and her sister owned the store, there are no male employee.
She asked if she could help me.
I said that I really would have preferred to speak with a male pharmacist. She assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.
I reluctantly agreed and began by saying, “As a shy man, this is tough for me to discuss, but here it goes. I get erections every day that last more than four hours. This condition causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. I was wondering what you could give me for it.”
The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I’ll talk to my sister.”
When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can prescribe to you:
* 1/3rd ownership in the store.
* a company car
* A furnished house
* a king size bed and
* $15,000 a month as living expenses..” !!
What medication is this mara??
Gauteng Metro policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that
because
he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arrive
Alive
safety competition. Being a ZIMBABIAN , the driver could hardly
believe
his luck. “What are you going to do with your
cash?” asked the traffic cop.
“Well I guess I’m going to get a drivers licence,” he answered.
“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He
tries
to be smart when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and
moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.” At that moment
there
was a knock from the boot and a voice said, “Are we over the border
yet?”
The cop fainted.
I once told my nephew to Skip First “H” Whenever He reads/Pronounce English words(E .g Honest )later that day I told him to heat My food in the microwave …..I almost killed that barstad
A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighborhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. “A police car has just called at the Hamilton’s’ house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell’s are having sex.” Hearing this, the boy’s parents shot bolt upright. “How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?” “Because their kid is standing on the balcony too.”
I went to a restaurant …
All the couples were seated there and no place for me to sit
I took out my mobile, placed near my ear and said loudly –
Bro come fast to this restaurant, she is seating here with someone else.
9 girls stood and ran away ..
Now think of this interesting observation. ….Morgan Tsvangirai was a womanizer who liked red as party colours died on Valentine’s day, a red day. Jacob Zuma, a womanizer, fell on Valentine’s day also. Is this mere coincidence?
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
“I’ll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don’t expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I
tell you that I won’t be home for dinner. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don’t you give me a hard
time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?”
His new bride said, “No, that’s fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o’clock every night . whether you’re here or not.
Boys 😀 🙂 🙂 🙂 😀
don’t You Wish :p
Don’t You Wish Years to Come You Can Go To Work !!!!! Come Back Home Tired Asf ! :p
park Your Car 😀
your Kids Come Running And Screaming “Papa” 😀
enter A Clean House :p Open A Kitchen Door And Smell Dinner :p
Enter A Clean House Find Wifey Wearing Something Sexy Af !!!!
Get A Kiss From Wifey Then “How Was your day Baby” 😀
And Later You Go With Wifey To Bed And Hit Things Up While The Kids Are Sleeping 😀 😀
Speaking Of Real Niggas Goals !!!!!!!!!!! Feel Me !!!!
*Admin:* Hi guys, im adding Vivie to the group.
*Malume:* Hi Vivie welcome to the group.
*Vivie:* Hi guys am new to the city.
*Mukoma:* Hi Vivie dont worry, am there…any problems i will be there.
*Moses:* Hi Vivie.. tell me if you have any problem, will arrange a solution for you.
*Shumba:* Hi Vivie, if you need anything tell me, it will be arranged.
*Samaz:* Hi Vivie, im here on stand-by for you.
Feel free any time of day, midday, a quarter day or whole day for any problem.
I am the solution. I will manage it for you completely and also..
*Vivie:* Thanks guys for your support.
*Sinyoro:* Vivie whats your full name
*Vivie:* Vincent Phiri
*Moses: left*
*Samaz: left*
*Shumba: left*
*Malume: left*
*Mukoma: left*
I will hand over my whole salary to the person
who will tell me why the letter
“W” starts with a letter “D”.
