Teacher : class, can anyone of you tell me
the meaning of the word POSITIVE?
Peter; lts when you have got HIV
Sub Categories
*Ladies, If you play your man like a football,
another woman will catch him like a goalkeeper,
you will regret watching the highlights*
I’ve started receiving texts mostly from ladies like:
“Its being a while”
“I Missed you so much”.
“You’re so sweet my dear”.
“Where are you?”
😳😳😳
BUT
No weapon formed against my wallet will prosper this Valentines day
Amen
Phone rings☎*:
*GIRL:* Hello
*GUY:* My L♡ve how are you doing?
*GIRL:* Am fine.
*GUY:* Will you be free during the weekend, & can you come to my house🏠?
*GIRL:* Am sorry I cant make it because I will be attending my Aunty’s wedding👰and the next
day I’ll be busy, I’m so occupied.
*GUY:* Ooh ok, I was just planning to take you out for shopping, suprise you with an iPhone📱 7 (256 GB jetblack) then buy you the dress👗, louboutin shoes👠👠you’ve been asking for…
*GIRL:* I will be coming & I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my L♡ve.
*GUY:* What about the
wedding👨👰?
*GIRL:* Which wedding, I was only joking.
*GUY:* Me too!
INTERNATIONAL RULES OF MANHOOD
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an
umbrella.
2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the
following
circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its
master.
b. The moment Julie G. starts unbuttoning her
blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss’ car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into “The
Crying Game”.
e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party
may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours,
his sister is off limits forever unless you actually
marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in
a buddy’s fridge is forbidden. However complain at
will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall
never be required to buy a birthday
present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy’s birthday is strictly optional.
A wife was sleeping in the middle of the night and dreaming, she suddenly shouted, “Get up quickly I heard my husband’s car out side
The man got up from the bed, jumps up out through the window, hurts himself and then realized, ”Damn,I am the husband!!!”
Who’s guilty?
You Wanna See His True Colours?
Tell Him You’re Pregnant!!!
Insecure guy
.
Guy: bae where are you??? Girl: I’m in church
love ! Guy: Give Jesus the phone.
Kissing a short person is like
drinking water
from the tap
Hi i would like to let u know that next week Monday is my last day here in SA😐
–
I am travelling to England to study Industrial Engineering, I will be away for 4 Years. May God Be with You all. I will miss You all😢
–
Please forward this message to everyone who knows me. I have just forwarded the message as i received it. I don’t even know who’s travelling
Boy: hi miss, are you water?
.
Girl: I am a person, are you stupid? Isn’t it obvious? Will you talk to me if i am water? That’s why you don’t have it.
.
Boy: is it like that? What do you just say matches for another matches?
.
Girl: I already know that. Says matches in another matches “match us”.
.
Boy: Idiot! He has nothing to say. It’s matches. Do you know any posporong speaking? That’s why no one is courting you.
A turkey was chatting with a bull, ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’
‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree where he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him down.
Moral of the story:
Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there…
WARNING
Beware of the airtime they sell these days, they have started marking airtime which can kill you when you recharging or make a call , so please before you recharge send those digits to me, so that I can verify if its original airtime.
PLEASE i want to save your life.
Do you remember the tingling feeling when you took the decision to get married???
…That was common sense leaving your body!
Rich phoned📲 his boss but get the bosses’s wife instead😯
–
She answered the phone crying: “I’m afraid he died last week”😭
–
The next day Rich calls again asking for the boss…The wife answered: “I told u yesterday, he died last week”😠
–
The next day he calls again and once more he asks to speak to his boss😯
–
By this time the wife is extremely angry😠😠😠 and she shouts ” I’VE ALREADY TOLD U TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!!! WHY DO U KEEP CALLING???”😟😓
–
Rich replied laughing: “I just love hearing it…I’ll call u back again tomorrow”💪👏
Kenny is an engineer that can’t find a job so he opens a
clinic and puts a sign outside ‘GET TREATMENT
FOR R50 – IF NOT CURED YOU GET BACK R200 A
lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn
R150 and goes to the clinic… Lawyer: “I have
lost my sense of taste”
Kenny : “Nurse, bring
medicine from box no.22 and put 3 drops in
patient’s mouth” Lawyer: “Urgh..this is paraffin”
Kenny : “Congrats, your sense of taste is
restored. Give me R50” The annoyed lawyer goes
back after a few days to recover his money…
Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot
remember anything”
Kenny : “Nurse, bring
medicine from box no.22 and put 3 drops in his
mouth” Lawyer (annoyed): “This is paraffin. You
gave this to me last time for restoring my taste”
Kenny : “Congrats. You got your memory
back. Give me R50” The fuming lawyer pays him,
and then comes back a week later determined to
get back R200.
Lawyer: “My eye sight has become
very weak”
Kenny: “Well, I don’t have any
medicine for that, so take this R200” Lawyer
(staring at the note): “But this is R50, not R200”
Kenny : “Congrats, your eyesight is restored.
Give me R50”