Everyday I view fat people’s pictures on facebook
now i no longer have space on my phone memory.
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Girlfriend : “I want to end our relationship now,
i’m going to return everything u gave me”
–
Ronnie : “serious??, ok then let’s start with the kisses i gave u”
Ghost 1: Hi
Ghost 2: Hey
Ghost 1: How did you die?
Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in the frigerator. At first, I was chilling, then, it started freezing, and then, i couldn’t breathe again… I died of suffocation.
Ghost 1: Wow…. what a sad way to die.
Ghost 2: Yeah. How did u die?
Ghost 1: I died of heart attack.
Ghost 2: What happened?
Ghost 1: My wife cheated on me. I came back home and saw a man’s pair of shoes, then, I rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. She was naked. I knew there was a man in the house cos my neighbour told me. and the man was still in the house as my wife was undressed and scared. so, I started running and searching the whole house. I searched in the kid’s room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wardrobe and dinning, I couldn’t find him and I was very tired of running, so I got a heart attack.
Ghost 2: IDIOT!!!! If you had checked the refrigerator we would have been both alive by now!!!
A man bought his wife 3 white panties on her birthday and the wife says haibo hubby why u bought me only white panties you want people to say that i dont change panties?
There are 3 kinds of people :
Those who make things happen.
Those who watch things happen.
Those who wonder what the hell happened.
Pastor told people who were at the church to tell each other that you are created in God’s image .
A monkey looked at the friend and bursts into laughter
Kadyo: man, do you know my dog’s intelligence.
Berto: really man? How did you say?
Kadyo: since yesterday was my neighbor asked him. 2 + 2 said. Then, he bark at four times.
Berto: is it good?
Kadyo: but there’s a problem, buddy.
Berto: oh why?
Kadyo: my neighbor asked him again 2 MILLION + 2 million. Until now, still bark. I haven’t eaten anything yet.
Ronnie walks into a bar, goes to the bartender and says “give me a beer before the problem starts”
–
After drinking the 1st bottle, again he says to the bartender “give me another one before the problem starts”
–
He give him, this goes on till the 5th bottle. The bartender then asks Ronnie “when are you going to pay for your beers?”
–
Ronnie replys “eish, Now the problem starts”.
A pastor announced,”If u know ur wife is controlling u,move to the left”. All men in the church moved to the left except one man.
.
The pastor was happy there was at least one strong man,and asked,”How come ur wife can’t control u?”
.
The man quietly replied,”Its my wife who told me not to move”.
Lebo:I love u.
Tebza:Same
Lebo:So why don’t u say it?
Tebza:Because u will smile.
Lebo:So?
Tebza:You will show ur teeth
Lebo:What’s wrong with my teeth?
Tebza:They remind me of a song.
Lebo:What song?(Blushing) Tell me.
Tebza:Black and Yellow,Black and Yellow.
Why I stopped watching Nigerian Movies??
A man had a heart attack in the hospital & the doctor shouted…
“SOMEBODY CALL AN AMBULANCE”
Village girl:Can I have an ice cream
Cashier :Which flavor?
Village girl:Sugar flavor
*👍How to TALK 👍*
Talk to *Mother* _lovingly,_
Talk 2 *Father* _respectfully,_
Talk 2 *Brothers* _heartfully,_
Talk 2 *Sisters* _affectionately,_
Talk 2 *Children* _enthusiastically,_
Talk 2 *Relatives* _empathetically,_
Talk 2 *Friends* _jovially,_
Talk 2 *Officials* _politely,_
Talk 2 *Vendors* _strictly,_
Talk 2 *Customers* _honestly,_
Talk 2 *Workers* _courteously,_
Talk 2 *Politicians* _carefully,_
Talk 2 *GOD* _silently,_
Talk to *WIFE*
~no no~ ……
*KEEP QUIET & LISTEN ONLY…!!!*
*WIFE :* Am already 58 and one of your friends still find me attractive .
*HUSBAND:* It must be Ndlovu.
*WIFE :* Yes, how did you know?
*HUSBAND:* Because he deals in scrap metal..
Valentine’s day is around the corner,
surprise your girlfriend by
introducing her to your wife
Sometimes u have to wear your girlfriend’s panty
just to show other girls that u are taken