Tell a Lady: “I had a dream about you”
They always think it’s about s*x
~•~
And be like: “Girl, I was buying bread in SHOPRITE and you were the cashier”
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Pls let me know if you can help – A friend of mine bought tickets to the Champions League final match .. the problem is that he completely forgot that its his wedding on the same day … coz he bought the tickets few months before fixing his wedding date …. Now he wants to know if anyone is interested in getting married….!
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When short people smoke weed
they don’t get high, they get medium.
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This touched me.*
*There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.*
*She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.*
*She told her boyfriend, ‘If I could only see the world, I will marry you.’*
*One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.*
*He asked her,’ Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?’*
*The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn’t expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.*
*Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: ‘Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.’*
*This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.*
*Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.*
*Life Is a Gift*
*Today before you say an unkind word -*
*Think of someone who can’t speak.*
*Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.*
*Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to ALMIGHTY GOD for a companion.*
*Today before you complain about life -*
*Think of someone who died too young.*
*Before you complain about your children -*
*Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.*
*Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep -*
*Think of the people who are living in the streets.*
*Before whining about the distance you drive*
*Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.*
*And when you are tired and complain about your job -*
*Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.*
*But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -*
*Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.*
*And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down -*
*Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you’re alive and still around.*
*And before you think of closing your Whatsapp messenger, Please think of sending this to as many people as you like…It might change someone’s thinking towards Life.*
*Remain blessed.*
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No1:
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning.
No 2:
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, “so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.”
No 3:
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said “sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!”
No 4:
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: “What are you doing?” Ask the son. Father: “I’m putting petrol in your Mom.” Son: ” Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!” Mother fainted!!!
No 5:
A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, “You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay.
No 6:
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, “Your Honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?”The boy whispers, “Don’t shake it, we’ll lose the case!”
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Late Dr Myles Munroe; a man of wisdom was quoted as saying:
I was born poor, sleeping on the floor with cockroaches and rats. Today, I own my own jet. Everything I have is paid for. I am debt free; I open new businesses every year and mentor many people,”
ON UNEMPLOYMENT
Myles Munroe strongly discouraged the reliance on Government for jobs, describing it as ‘lazy thinking.’“There is no such thing as unemployment in the world. What you call unemployment is what I call lazy thinking,” he says.“The work of government is not to create jobs, but to create an environment for people to develop their own work,” he asserts.
ON GIFTS/TALENTS:
Munroe discourages employed professionals against relying solely on their jobs for income, urging them to instead create wealth using their unique talents. He also challenges aspiring entrepreneurs to develop and refine their expertise in a talent, idea, service or body of
knowledge.When you refine your gift in an area, you become valuable; people seek you out and pay you,
ON ENTREPRENEURSHIP:
Munroe said setting principles is the first step towards achieving success for any budding entrepreneur. “I will never be poor again because I have learnt the principles of business,” he asserts.“I can say without a doubt that what I have accomplished is based on principles passed on to me by my parents. You should never build your life on facts or techniques because these often become obsolete,” he cautions.“For you to survive today, you must accept the reality of partnerships. If someone emerges as my competition today, I am not supposed to kill them, but marry them,” he states.“Do not curse a crisis; use it. Every business is a solution to a crisis. Develop the capacity to solve a problem and you will become a successful entrepreneur.”
HIS 10 WORDS OF WISDOM TO AFRICA;
1. Understand crisis and use it to solve a problem. Every business is a response to a problem.
2. Initiate something; do not wait for things to be done.
3. Identify and refine your talent, skill, idea, service or knowledge to create wealth.
4. Whatever makes you angry, you must solve it.
5. Poverty is not the lack of money, but the lack of ideas.
6. God does not give cash, but ideas on how to create wealth.
7. Be in control of your mind, thoughts, perception and mentality to respond to change.
8. Be keen and take advantage of changes brought about by technology and globalisation.
9. Leave your legacy, but in the people you train, not in products or buildings.
10. Every human being was born with a treasure. Your greatest secret to success lies in discovering your treasure.
Secure your future, stop blaming every sitting president or Government of your country for your destiny
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It’s Perfectly Legal To Kill Someone In Your Dreams,
That’s Why I Wake Up With A Smile Everyday.
Good Morning:-)
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I always dream of being a millionaire
like my uncle!…
He’s dreaming too
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In a relationship you must pull your weight! If your man spoils you spoil him right back. If he hasn’t called to check on you, please call to check up on him. You won’t die 😏. Love and pride cannot coexist. Females expect too much and do so little 😳
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Ladies ,if he starts making you happier than your boyfriend👇
Block him
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If I bath at 23:50 🛀
And finish at 00:05
That’s means I have bathed for 2 days ✌?
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Friend: I’m so over him!
Me: Cool, let’s go get a soda.
Friend: HE DRANK SODA…
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House is a place while home is a person.
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Don’t quite before it’s time up. Ask for the mountains not valleys
because God is always on your site
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Relationships won’t heal you and being single won’t kill you.
Remember that.
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December as you are going, go with the Alcohol Biko!! I can’t come & kill myself 🚴🚴 🏃
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