Im in a taxi and the girl next to me is
texting her friend about how there’s an annoying guy
looking at her phone😅…
Luckily its not me
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WIFE: *Honey let’s play a game*
HUSBAND: *Okay. What’s the game about?*
WIFE: *If I mention a fruit, you run to the left side of the room and touch the wall & if I mention a colour, you run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you’ll give me all your salary for this month*
HUSBAND: *Okay! And if you fail in your turn, I’ll have your salary too right?*
WIFE: (smiles) *Yes darling!*
HUSBAND: *Okay* (stands up ready to run in any direction)
*Are you ready*
Husband: *Yes ready*
WIFE: *Orange!*
Its been 4 HOURS NOW…
The husband is still standing on the spot wondering if she meant the fruit or the color
*Moral lesson… After God, Fear Women!*
In Japan a 17yr old is a doctor
In Brasil a 17yr old is a footballer
In India a 17yr old is a shop owner
In China a 17yr old is an engineer
In Iraq a 17yr old is a Soldier
In USA a 17yr old is a celebrity
In Israel a 17 yr old is a priest
In Zimbabwe a 35yr old is a
whatsapp group admin.
South Africa 17 yr old will be a mother of 3
But what happened to gals of these days?!!!!!A girl once called me and said come over, nobody is home, I went there rushing and truly nobody was home, not even her.
We the National Association of Husbands
And Boyfriends’ (NAHAB), wish to announce
our annual 3 days strike which will commence
on 13 FEB and end on 16 FEB.
Please note; our cellphones will not
be working during the strike & our
relationship commitments will commence
on the 17 FEB, we apologise for any
inconvenience to our wives & girlfrends
who were hoping to be with us on valentines day.
So, wats yo response? Is it:
(a) Viva NAHAB viva!!!! or
(b)
My brother, don’t fool yourself thinking that you will satisfy a
woman. Even God Himself gave them eyebrows but they shave it
and draw their own. So who are u?
Dear Friends, may your life upgrade this year like Alexis Sanchez’s who…
1: Moved from 6th to 2nd place in the Premier League table without playing a match.
2: Jumped from Europa League to last 16 of Champions League without struggle.
3: Qualified for FA Cup 5th round regardless of Nottingham Forest defeat.
Amen!!!
American girl status i miss u Mike
British girl status oh gosh i miss u Leonard
Zimbabwean girl status i miss someone and you know your self
STOP IT!!!killing 10 boys with 1 statement
Its February right?
Ladies please dont confuse
Women’s day with valentines day
.
Not all of you gonna get presents
On the 14th.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
If he does not love you anymore, what do u think can make him start re-loving you?
There is only LOVE in the Dictionary, no “RE-LOVING”
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends.” A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
The number she’s refusing to give you is the
same number another guy just deleted..
Don’t kill yourself
2 tips for happy married life….._
– *Keep quiet when your Wife is talking.*
– *Don’t talk when your Wife is quiet.*
– _Husband Association._
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ he thought.
It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.
“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”
This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”
“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. “Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
“There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, “he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We make love to them. Go and try it.”
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning s****ing his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.
“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised.
“Why? We thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” our friend replied. “But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette!”
I called my friend yesterday night at 10.30 pm on phone, he said he was very busy, working on a special Project “Aqua Thermal treatment of Ceramics, Aluminium and Steel under a constrained environment”.
I was impressed.
Later I realized – he was washing dishes , under the supervision of his wife !!
*English is a Beautiful language !!!*
A hot secretary came angrily out Of boss cabin.
Her colleague asked: What Happened?
You went inside in a happy mood.
She replied: He asked me are you free tonight?
I said absolutely free.
That bastard gave me 45 pages to type!
How many times does the number “9” appear between 0 and 100?
I bet some people will get this wrong…
Whoever got it right i will like his/her comment