Am i the only one who gets this random urge to help old ladies
half way across the street and leave them there?

I once told my nephew to Skip First “H” Whenever He reads/Pronounce English words(E .g Honest )later that day I told him to heat My food in the microwave …..I almost killed that barstad

The very same God who turned stone to bread
and water to wine
can turn your Girlfriend to my Wife..!! 💍

A new sign in the Bank reads:
‘Please note that this Bank is
installing new Drive-through cash
machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their
vehicles.
Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures
outlined below when accessing their
accounts.
After months of careful research,
MALE & FEMALE Procedures have
been developed. Please follow the
Appropriate steps for your gender.’
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. LOWER your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter
PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and
withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Raise window.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required
amount to align car window with the
machine.
3. Put hand brake on, put the window
down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents
on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you
will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into
machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier
access to machine due to its
excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary
with your PIN written on the inside
back page.
11. Enter PIN .
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct
PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check make-up in rear view
mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate
purse and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque
book and place receipt in back of it.
18. Re-check make-up.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot
provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver
waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull
off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Hand Brake.

If your girlfriend visits you and doesn’t take a selfie..
.bro you need to decorate your room

Marry a man who is a bread winner in his family.
Sis you will know Jesus and his disciples

Adam and Eve must’ve been white, they only took one apple, if they were Black, all the apples would’ve been gone plus the tree for fire wood. If they were Chinese, they would have eaten the snake as well

You want your husband to be very good in bed but you don’t give him time to go for training outside.
Are you normal my sister , is your head paining you?

Jumping from one girl to another is a sign of telling God you want to be a frog.

The lawyer hopes you get into trouble, the doctor hopes you fall sick, the police hopes you become a criminal, the teacher hopes you are born stupid, the coffin maker wants you dead, only the thief wishes you prosperity in life so that he can steal from you.
IT’S WORLD’S THIEVES DAY , Send to any thief you know. It came to me by mistake,don’t send it back to me..