I hate friends who can’t handle alcohol😒😒

Last Weekend my friends dropped me twice
while carrying me back home while I was drunk

MEDICAL FACTS“`*

“`Did you know that, if you bath at least twice daily, avoid alcohol, avoid smoking tobacco and go to gym everyday for fitness, have sufficient sleep, eat fruits after each meal, avoid stress, stop using all sorts of drugs including caffeine found in tea and coffee and practise safe sex regularly, you will still die when your time comes

Dear girlfriend,
You can’t just dump me by saying
“it’s over”… I won’t believe you.
I want the following things to
support your decision:
1. 5 full Pages of your reasons.
2. Police affidavit.
3. A 90 minutes voice record of the
reason why you’re dumping me.
4. Your parents ID’s
5. Your parents’ permission.
6. The President’s approval.
7. Relocate to another country.
8. Lastly… You’ll have to perform
rituals Slaughtering two fat cows
Apologizing for hurting my feelings..
Either that… Or we stay
together!.

I want to Open a Mortuary!*

*_Guys promise me that you will die to support my business._*

Wife: “In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store
and you bought me a diamond ring.”
Husband: “I had the same dream and
I saw your dad paying the bill.”😂😂😂😂😂😂

That PAIN!
When you take a selfie with her, then she hides your damn FACE!🤦 with an 😐Emoji..! 😭💔

what is the opposite of Transparent

👶Transchildren

If I kiss you by mistake.
What will you do

1:Kiss back
2:ignore
3:Cry
4:laugh
5:slap me

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance — particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as EPL 5.0, IPL 3.0, and PSL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed, Desperate

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command “! http: I Thought You Loved Me.html” and try to download Tears 6.2 and don’t forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember,overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend! Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Good Luck, Tech Support