True happiness is when you sitting next to your landlord in church..whilst you haven’t paid yr rent and the pastor says “Turn around nd tell your neighbour jesus has paid my debts
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Since yestdy I hvn’t been able to go to work cz my neigjbour cheated on his wife and she got angry nd shouted at him that she will also hav sex with all the neighbours
I’m still there waiting for my turn but she has’nt arrived till now,why women liars???
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Today In A Class During Our First Period.
Teacher Entered Our Class And Greet Us.
Then The Teacher Start To Talk.
Teacher : Our Topic For Today Is Photosynthesis.
Class : Okay Sir
Teacher : Matome What Is Photosynthesis?
Matome : Photosynthesis Is Our Topic Of Today.
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Me: Hello Police, help me 50 people are following me
Police: Ok,Calm down,where are you?
Me: On Instagram
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The shortest conversation in the world is when you are in the toilet and someone open the door!!
You: Ah:/
The Person: Oh:>
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That moment you got a p*rn video u are putting it in yr father’s dvd while he is at work,boom the electricity goes off nd u are unpluging the dvd carrying it like a laptop the whole
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When you are beautiful on facebook but ugly in real life.
You shld be arrested for misleading the public!!
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A Rich Woman Stops On A Traffic Signal And A Begger Come To Her For Begging.
Woman Confused: “Arrey, I Have Seen You Somewhere.”
Beggar: “Madam, Don’t You Remember? I Am Your Friend On Facebook.“
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*Statistical Data*
Different types of phone call duration:
*Boy to Boy* 00:00:59
*Boy to Mom* 00:00:50
*Boy to Dad* 00:00:30
*Boy to Girl* 01:23:59
*Girl to Girl* 05:29:59
*Girl to Boy* Missed call
*Husband to Wife* 00:00:03
*Wife to Husband* 14 Missed Calls
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Boy : where are you going now?
Girl : for suicide..
Boy : then, why so much make-up?
Girl : you idiot.. tomorrow my Photo will come in newspaper
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Follow your heart but take the mind with you.
If they are two-faced, don’t forget God gave you
two hands to slap on their two faces at the same time!
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When you leave🚶 the store without buying anything
and you’re telling yourself “act normal, you’re innocent”
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Lady: Do you smoke?
Guy: Yes I do.
Lady: How many packs a day?
Guy: Three. Lady: How much per pack?
Guy: Ten dollars.
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Guy: 15 years.
Lady: So one pack is $10 and you’ve been smoking three packs a day, which puts your monthly spend at $900. In one year it would’ve been $10,800. Correct?
Guy: Yes.
Lady: If you spend $10,800 a year, not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your total spend at $162,000. Correct?
Guy: Yes.
Lady: Do you know if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after calculating compound interest for the past 15 years, you could’ve by now bought a Ferrari?
Guy: Yes. Oh! Do you smoke?
Lady: No.
Guy: Then where’s your fucking Ferrari?
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Stupid Answers for Stupid Questions
1. Someone calls you at 2:am in
the night and ask you “are you
sleeping?”
Ans: no, I’m picking beans.
2. You’re making out with a girl
then you start pulling her pants
then she asks; what are you trying to
do?
Ans: I want to wash them for you
3. They see you coming out of
the bathroom, wet; ”did you just have
a bath?”
Ans: no, I fell into the toilet bowl
4. You standing right in front of
the elevator on the ground floor
going to your office, yet they ask;
”going up?”
Ans: no, I’m waiting for my office
to come down and meet me!
5. Your boyfriend comes home
with a bunch of flowers and you
still asks him; ”are those flowers?”
Ans: no baby, they’re carrots!
6. You’re in the queue at the
cinema to buy tickets, a friend
sees you and ask; ”what are you
doing here?”
Ans: I’m here to pay my school
fees!
7. When people see you lying
down with your eyes closed, they
still ask; ”are you sleeping?”
Ans: No! I’m practicing to die.
8. You went to a restaurant n the
waiter asks you: ”Plz can I get
you a table?”
Ans: No. I’m here to eat on the
floor.
9. Are you reading this post?
Ans:…..??????!!!!
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If after Dating a guy for 5-8 years,He leaves you for someone else.
My sister take a taxi to his house and ask him for an Award for Long Service
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If you cheated on her and she dumps you then
after few month you ask for love back and
she agrees, just know she’s gonna pay revenge..
it’s her turn now my nigga.
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