Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math
problems when his teacher picked him to
answer a
question, “Johnny, if there were five birds
sitting on a
fence and you shot one with your gun, how
many
would be left?” “None,” replied Johnny,
“cause the rest would fly
away.” “Well, the answer is four,” said the
teacher, “but I like
the way you’re thinking.” Little Johnny says,
“I have a question for you. If there
were three women eating ice cream cones
in a shop,
one was licking her cone, the second was
biting her
cone and the third was sucking her cone,
which one
is married?” “Well,” said the teacher
nervously, “I guess the one
sucking the cone.” “No,” said Little Johnny,
“the one with the wedding
ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking.

It was a practical session in the psychology
class.
The professor showed a large cage with a
male rat in it.
The rat was in the middle of the cage.
Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on
one side and kept a female rat on the other
side.
The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.
Then, the professor changed the cake and
replaced it with some bread.
The male rat ran towards the bread.
This experiment went on with the professor
changing the food every time.
And, every time, the male rat ran towards
the food item and never towards the female
rat.
Professor said: This experiment shows that
food is the greatest strength and attraction.
Then, one of the students from the back
rows said:
“Sir, why don’t you change the female rat?
This one may be his wife!”

That awkward moment when u are talking to a very handsome dude at a funeral then ur mom comes and say to u
“pour that samp in a plastic that’s dinner

Sometimes I wonder if normal dogs see police dogs and think
“oh shit!!! It’s the police”

Girls without stretch marks think they are related to those dolls
they use in shops to advertise clothes

Q : what did one boob say to the other boob?
–
A : You are my breast friend

Tracy : “Ronnie my friend Sasha says i’m pretty and my colleague thinks i’m ugly, what do you think?
–
Ronnie : “aaah!! I think there is a combination of both “pretty ugly”.

On my way to Cape Town✈ for a funeral😢
>>>
I don’t know who died guys😕…
But the way im gonna cry😢…I’ve got my own problems

Children : You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk, then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit-down and shut-up.

When a relationship ends,
the competition of who can pretend to be happier
on social media starts.