A guy in the store on his cell said “Susan, I’m in my car on my way” so I yelled “No he’s not” because nobody lies to Susan in front of me.

bank teller: Sir your bank account is overdrawn.

Me: so are your eyebrows.

My father left me when I was 2years old, Mom says he went to buy milk and never came back…so if you see him by any chance, please tell him not to buy the milk anymore, I drink Castle lite now.

A beer company was hiring a taster,😅
someone to
taste the beers😊
before selling out😑.
So they placed adverts😎 & one
afternoon, a dirty,
rough looking man walks 🚶‍♂️into de
Manager’s office😊
asking to be employed.😋
The manager tried to figure out how
he could
drive ds man away 😏but couldn’t come
up with
an idea😪, so he decided to give the
man a trial.😛
He ordered his secretary to give de
man a glass
of wine😊, he takes a sip & said “Its
red wine,😊 a
muscat,🙂
three years old🤗, grown on a north
slope, matured in a steel
containers☺.”
That’s correct😧! The manager
exclaimed, well
give him
another one🤠 lets see. So he was
giving, he takes a sip again 😌& said
” Its red wine🙃, cabernet, eight
years old,😌 southwestern slope, oak
barrels🤤”
Incredible😱! said de manager.
Now de manager went closer to de
secretary 😁& whispered to her saying ”
go get
some of ur urine🙄
in a cup lets see if he will get
dat.✊✊✊
So de man was given the cup
of urine😆,he takes a sip, turns to d
manager & said 🙄”Female urine,😏
26years old🤔, 2 weeks pregnant 🤨& if
i’m not
given dis job😑, sir i will
tell your wife who is responsible
for the pregnancy”😌

My sister just had a baby .. she ddnt say if its a boy or a girl
i dont know if im a uncle or an aunt”

Neighbor: Hey Mbuso, I’m at the hospital, please borrow me R1500

Mbuso : What if you die?

At church I make sure I sit next to a beautiful lady
wat if the pastor says tell you neighbour you love them

Wedding in America :
Invited: 100
Present at church :80
Present at reception :70
Gifts:67
Missing object: 0
Wedding in London :
Invited:100
Present at church: 90
Present at reception :85
Gifts:78
Missing object:0
Wedding in South Africa :
Invited:500
Present at church:21
Present at reception:1,505
Gifts:18
Envelops: 25
delivered dishes:1099
Missing items:20 phones, 300spoons, 10 cake knives, 1 photographer camera. Missing cans, beer, bottles of wines and whisky, kidnapping of 2 of the guests, girlfriend missing gone with other guest, boyfriend looking for his girlfriend, girlfriend looking for her boyfriend. Remaining gifts missing, fighting outside, 50chairs broken, 5tables broken, 3decoration curtains missing
Complete d rest

In America, when two lovers stare at each other, they kiss. In Africa, you will hear something like :- “Why are you looking at me, do you want to give me money? ”
Life is so beautiful in South Africa.

When my side chick don’t wanna remove my name on her bio:
.
Me: I asked you so nice dear now i’m calling my lawyer

Ladies, please try as much as possible to look like your profile picture.
This is the 10th time I have wasted my petrol

Sometimes you just don’t realize you love someone
until they buy a car.

SCHOOL RULES WHEN I AM A PRINCIPAL!!!
.
.1..female students should wear mini-skirts only
.
.2..lunch time takes 3hrs while each lesson takes
only 20 mins..
.
.3..If u wanna get high there’s a room for
smokers
.
.4..Wednesdays nd fridays its party time no
lessons..
.
.5..if u ar a quiet person “sorry!get the out
of my school..
.
.6..During examinations all students will be
provided with text books
.
.7..All students are free to bring their laptops nd
phones bcoz free Wi-Fi will be provided.
.
.8..If u insult a teacher ur punishment is to play
FIFA with the principal..
.
.9..At lunchtime students eat every kind of foods u want the school will provide…
.
. WILL YOU JOIN MY SCHOOL??

So I was in a taxi and there’s muscular,
weird looking guy in the back. His
phone rings and he answers, “Sure thing
boss, I’m in a taxi with him and I’ll
shoot him when he gets off “.
.
As I am talking to you right now,
everyone refused to get off the taxi,
we’re now at the Taxi driver’s gate

The 5 Second Dance Of Your Thumb
When You Don’t Know How To Reply

Women also need to individually look and ask themselves if
they would stay if they dated themselves..!