The day I’ll get a hug with my Crush 😍..
I swear they’ll have to separate me from her with hot boiling water and the grinder.

Dating an uneducated girl sometimes is a problem…
Me : goodnight bbe sleep well and have a lovely dreams
Her : thanks my love and may your soul rest in peace

I did 100 push ups today, tomorrow I’m doing 300.
The day after, I will continue lying

A taxi passenger tapped🤚 the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed😱, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.😵
For a second everything went quiet in the cab🙄, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again🤚😏. You scared the daylights out of me😪!” The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.😐 “The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.

That moment when 🤔 you at a wedding 🤵🏾👰🏾 and you enjoying the seven colors 🍲🍝🍱 and then boom pastor Lukau start praying 🗣 and all beef 🥩and di chickens 🍗 starts ressurecting 🐓🐄 and you are left with rice and onions in your plate

A man had four sons from different mothers☺
Brodwel,Kenneth,Conrad & Dominic
Now these guys asked their father why he
gave em those names,n what do they mean😐?

The father replied:
Take the first three letters of your names and
join em together you will find the answer

Telephone Convo between a SIDE CHICK and WIFE.😅
.
SIDE CHICK: Private number Hello😐 ??

WIFE: Hello, can I please to talk to Odelia.

SIDE CHICK: Yes u are talking to her, who am I talking to🤨?

WiFE: It’s not important, can u please do me a favour😏!

SIDE CHICK: What kind of favour🙄?

WIFE: Can you please stop calling my Husband🤚 !!! ??

SIDE CHICK: Okay fine😊. I was afraid, i thought you wanted to say i should stop sleeping with him.

boyfriends message : Babe I was
involved in an accident Palesa took me
to the hospital😭.
the doctors say I’m in a bad state, left
arm broken😓, cervical dislocation,😞 few
facial injuries and they have to
amputate my left leg.😭
°°°°°°°
Girlfriends message : Who is Palesa😐😠????

That Awkward Moment When You Realize You’re Walking In The Wrong Direction..
.
So You Hit Your Pockets Pretending You Forgot Something

One morning at a doctor’s clinic a patient arrives complaining of serious back pain.😓
The doctor examines him and asks him:
“Tell me what happened to your back😐…?”

The patient replies: “Sir, I work for a local night club. This morning I went to my apartment early and heard some noise in my bed room🤚.
On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open.
I rushed 🏃‍♂️out of the balcony door and did not find anyone.
As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself.🍆
I was very angry.😠 I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him.🤚
It was very heavy😞…
That is how I strained my back.!”

Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he has been in a car wreck😅.
The doctor said: “My previous patient looked bad..
But you look terrible😶..
What the hell happened to you🤨 ?”

He replied: “You know I have been unemployed for a while now.😏
Today was the first day at my new job…
I forgot to set my alarm and I was late…
I was running🏃‍♂️ out of the building, getting dressed at the same time.
And you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge🙄.
I don’t know how and where from this fridge fell on me😓…!!!”

Before closing hours, the third patient comes. He looks like he was punished in hell.😕

The doctor is shocked.
He asks: “What the hell happened to you🙁..??”

The patient replies:
“Well, It started like this, I was in a fridge……….”😂😂😂😂

A month ago i gave my number to this beautiful girl😊😋……she said “I will text You when i get home”
I think she is homeless😕 cause i’m still waiting

When You Call The Number That’s Saved As “Failed Abortion” in Your Mom’s Phone
and Your Phone Starts Ringing

When the broom realises that a mop is now ready to wipe the floor, it accuse the floor of looking like soil its self. What i mean is that Coca Cola can never drink sprite spirally!

When a short man married a short woman
What did they expect to give birth to a dwarf of course.

During Lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, My husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Daring I have a surprise for dinner tonight”He blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table.i took a sit and just as he was about to remove my blindfold , the telephone rang .

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were effecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go .

It was not only loud , but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump !! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously, then , shifting to the other leg I ripped off three more

The stink was worse then Cooked cabbage, keeping my ears careful tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes

The pleasure was indescribable eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I can quickly fanned the air a few more times with napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it Feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My Face must have been the picture of innocent. When my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked me if had peaked through the blindfold and I assured him I had not

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table with their noses, chorused, ” Happy Birthday”.