People who argue on their cell phones in
public should do it on loud speaker so
we could hear both sides of the story

The reason why I want to get married is
that I want someone who can switch off
lights when I sleep.

Last year I was working as a security guard at the
Kruger National Park. My boss fired me after
I left the gate wide open.
I mean who can steal a lion?

I went to a restaurant.
It was full; no place to sit…
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- “Bro
come fast, she’s here with someone else…
Six women ran away

1.REAL NAME: Rainbow Hlongwane
2.NICKNAME: chemical
3.SEX: MALE
4.NATIONALITY: South African
5.HOBBIES: collecting teeth from live
crocodiles,
catching bullets with bare hands.
6. MY RECORDS: fought with a lion and broke
its
neck, skinned a crocodile alive, and held
breathe
under water for 2 months, 3 weeks, 6
hours,5
minutes and 45 seconds.
7. GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: went to heaven
to
charge my phone and the first man to land
on
sun.
8.SILLIEST THING I’VE DONE: swimming in a
tsunami and driving towards a volcano.
9.EMBARRASSING MOMENT: couldn’t kill 100
lions with one punch but though 99 died
and the
remaining one is now cripple.
10.PROUDEST MOMENT: a cobra died after
biting
me.
11.HARDEST MOMENT: jumped from an
aeroplane and landed safely on a cricket
pitch.
12.SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I don’t like lying.

Me: can I buy you a drink??
Her: no alcohol is bad for my legs
Me: do they swell
Her: they open up easily
Me: thats the plan

Conversation between a Teacher and Mbula….
.
Teacher : Assume your in the jungle and a lion is about to attack you,what will you do.?
Mbula : I will stop assuming.

To all fools who dont believe in God because they have never seen him,
they do the same to their brains ,so their brains doesnt exist!

I bought a cellphone from an Indian shop
Then when I switch it off it says “Goodbye My Friend”

My doctor told me i have 7 months to live because of cancer,
i killed that Doctor and Judge gave me 20 years..

Dear ladies,
The silence u keep when you find money in your husband’s pocket during laundry should be the same silence u should maintain when you find condom in his pocket!

Yesterday my pressing iron stopped working so I went to my neighbour’s house and asked to borrow Thiers. They told me to come and use it in their house and I did.
Today my neighbour came and asked if I could borrow them the broom, so I asked them to come and use it in my house…
Tit for tat!!!!!!

There was a man who used to cross the border,from S A to Zim. Every month he would be on a bicycle carrying some riversand. The customs officer searched him thoughroughly and would find nothing in the sand. They would then give him a smile and let him pass. He did that for years and years still the officers wondered what was in the sand. After the man had stopped crossing the border he met one of the retired customs officer,and he asked tell me what were you up to carrying all that sand? The man smiled and said apparently I was smuggling bicycles!

I drops my girl at home & just puts hand on the wall by the gate for support, leans
towards her;
Me: Can I kiss you?
Her: Not now, I’m at home.
Me: Please.
Her: No
Me: You were too sweet in bed today.
Her: Waoh! you too, full of energy. I could not believe we had foUr rounds.
Me: Let me kiss you good night.
Her: Someone may be watching,they still think I’m a virgin at home.This goes on
for ten minutes,
– then her brother appears at the gate and says “Dad says whether you kiss
him or not its your decision,but tell that bastard to remove his hand from the intercom button because everyone at home is listening to your conversation

Walking With A beautiful Girl On The Street And
No One Sees You its Stressful !
But When You Walk With Ugly Ones
You’ll Meet All Your Buddies

I told my dad that I won scholarship to study medicine in Spain he was so happy that he ordered MY MUM to slaughter two chicken’sfor celebration we popped champagne now am thinking of how to tell him it is April fool after eating the chickens
.
please advice me