ATTENTION ATTENTION ATTENTION!!! Ladies and gentlemen Boys and Girls Brothers and sisters Fathers and Mothers Uncles and aunties Nephews and nieces Doctors and nurses Neighbours and Colleagues Students and graduates. I really don’t have anything to say. Thanks for your attention.

There is a blonde driving on the highway. Her husband
calls her on his cell phone and in a worried voice says;
Honey, be careful please! I just heard on the radio that there
is a crazy driver, driving the wrong way on Route 90
Woman says; I know, but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!

UNBELIEVABLE FACTS!

It takes 7seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.
A human hair can hold 3kg.
The length of man’s penis is 3x the length of his thumb.👍
A humans heart beats faster than a man.
A women blink 2x as much as men.

A women has read this entire post…
A man is still looking at his thumb.

A sophisticated looking Muslim lady walks into a tattoo shop and sits down.
The owner, amazed at seeing such a sophisticated Muslim lady in his shop, runs over immediately and asks if he could help her.

To his shock and utter delight, she lifts up her long Silk Black Top and points to her right inner thigh – very high up. “Right here,” she says, “I want you to tattoo a Moon and Star and underneath it I want the word “Eid Mubarak.”

Then she points to her left thigh just as high up and says, “On this side, I want you to tattoo an evergreen tree with lights and tinsel and an angel on top and underneath it I want the word Christmas.”

The owner looks at her. “Ooh, lady, it’s none of my business, but that is probably the most unusual request I’ve ever heard. Why in the world do you want to do that?

“Well,” the lady said, “I’m sick and tired of my husband always complaining that there’s never anything good to eat between Eid and Christmas.”

My sister stop asking guys what they do
for a living, they will lie, just take them to
bed and count how many round they can
go
1 round – rich guy
2 rounds – doing well in life
3rounds – unemployed
4rounds – broke as hell
Don’t be deceived by there looks

Go To The Nearest Somalian Supermarket
And Make Him Angry , You Will Hear Him Saying
“Am Not Your Friend My Friend”

Yesterday my boss sent me to buy a 2litre of milk

Then I found out only 1litres available,
and
turned back and told him..

He called me by names, and even told me straight that I’m stupid why I didn’t use my brain and buy two 1litres of milk to make it 2litre

And today he sent me to buy pair of size 6 sleepers shoes
I got all the sizes except size 6
So I used my brain and bought two pairs of size 3
To make it 6
Without a word, he used sign language
To alerted me to wait for him out side
Now he’s busy with his computer ,
I’m sure he want to give me some bonus end of the month

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,”I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear. ” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well,she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me. ” There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss the bus! ” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful “Happy birthday, boss. ” She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together? ” Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea. ” So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place? ” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and an ice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini. ” It sounded like a good idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.”

Before Exam Boy To His Girl-Friend

Boy: “Hey, All The Best”

Girl-Friend: “All The Best To You Too”

But Girl Scored 80 Marks And Boy Failed.

Moral: Only Boys Wish With True Heart.

A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs.
“It’s not my fault,” I said, “Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.”
“Do you really expect me to believe that?” he laughed.
I said, “I’ll prove it to you if you want me to!”
“Go on then.” he smiled, handing me the bag.
After flushing them, he looked at me and said, “Well, show me your pocket then.”
“What for?” I asked.
He said, “The drugs.”
I said, “What drugs?”

I was In town this morning when
Japanese man approached me. ” please….
Can you take ” he said.” Handing me a
camera. As he stood against the wall
smiling.I got into a taxi an thought, “what
a nice guy”.

I mistakenly sent someone R 5000 through
e Wallet…in fact should I say I sent R5000to
a wrong number. After realizing this, I
calmed down and sent him/her this text
message: “Hello Dear, I hope you got the
membership welcome fee of R5000 to our
Satanism Church. We are glad and looking
forward to having you with us. That is just
the beginning of the richest life you are
about to start living. We hope you are as
excited to be joining our church as we are.
As I just said, that is a welcome salary. We
are having a meeting tonight whereby we
will slaughter 3 people in celebration of the
start of this month. Please invite over any
female person you may be close to. Lets
meet tonight at 8pm at YOUR PLACE. If you
haven’t shown any interest in our church
and you believe this is a mistake, kindly send
the money back to this number otherwise
welcome to our Church. See you tonight.” 10
Minutes later, I got a message saying send
another R5000 my friend is also interested’. I
fainted, people are so broke these days.

The farmer decided to change the old cock and bring in a young one that would take care of the many hens.
When the young cock arrived, and upon realising that he would lose his job and maybe end up a dinner, the old cock
approached the young one and said: “Look, I know I’m old and that’s the reason why our owner brought you here.

But can you leave two hens for me?”

“What’s that old cock! I’m going to keep all of them,” said the young one.
“Just two,” insisted the old cock.
“I’ve told you. They’re all mine!” replied the young cock.
“Alright then! Let’s do this,” says the old cock. “We bet on a race around the poultry house. If I win, I’ll keep two
hens. If I lose, all hens are yours.”
The young cock sizes up the old one and thinks that an old and ailing bird cannot win.
“Ok old cock, I agree,” he says.
The old cock looks at him and says: “Since my chances of winning are very small, let me have 5 metres advantage,” he asked.
The young cock does not even think twice about the request and agrees to the old cock’s conditions. The race starts and the young
cock shoots in chase of the old one. The old cock makes a tremendous effort to keep advantage, but is quickly losing ground.
The farmer sees the scene and takes his pellet-gun and shoots at the young cock. After killing him, he turns and says to his wife:
“I don’t understand! This is the fifth gay cock we bought this week. These gay birds have stopped chasing the hens and are now chasing an old
cock, can you believe it?”

*Nothing beats experience*

Soldier: I will rape all of u!
Girls (crying): Rape us but pls
leave our grandma out of it!
Grandma (shouting Leave who
out)?… War is war, everybody must face the
consequences!!

If you expect the world to be fair with you..
because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself.
That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you
because you didn’t eat him.