Only short girls are marriage material.
These tall girls are just building material

Yesterday, my pressing iron broke down. I
went to the neighbours and asked them
for
their iron. They told me to come and iron
in
their house or forget about it. I went and
ironed without arguing. This morning they
also came to ask me for a broom. I also
told
them to come and sweep at my house or
forget about it. Now they are angry. Did I
do
anything wrong?
People are ungrateful

that moment when you just lost a fight.
And when u get home You start thinking about
all The kung fu moves
You Could done

Remember back when you were a kid and you thought your 25 year old unemployed cousin wasn’t serious about life?

Look at you now!

Put your phone on airplane mode before going to bed ….. .
Vodacom will still bill you for that flight you booked.
You think you’re clever neh..

My wife showed me a good time last night.

Photos of me when I was single.

Nyaa married a good looking lady,
and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules.

“I’ll be home when I want,
if I want,
what time I want,
and I don’t expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table,
unless I tell you that I won’t be home for dinner.
I’ll go hunting,
fishing,
boozing,
and card playing when I want with my old buddies,
and don’t you give me a hard time about it.
Those are my rules.
Any comments?”

His new bride said,
“No, that’s fine with me.
Just understand that there will be sex here
at seven o’clock every night,
whether you’re here or not.”

One word for the bride?

I like to make people laugh. If I don’t make you laugh,
remember I said ‘people’ not animals

My girlfriend has trust issues
–
Her: where are you?
–
Me: in a taxi
–
Her: give the taxi driver the phone

1.REAL NAME: Rainbow Hlongwane
2.NICKNAME: chemical
3.SEX: MALE
4.NATIONALITY: South African
5.HOBBIES: collecting teeth from live
crocodiles,
catching bullets with bare hands.
6. MY RECORDS: fought with a lion and broke
its
neck, skinned a crocodile alive, and held
breathe
under water for 2 months, 3 weeks, 6
hours,5
minutes and 45 seconds.
7. GREATEST ACHIEVEMENTS: went to heaven
to
charge my phone and the first man to land
on
sun.
8.SILLIEST THING I’VE DONE: swimming in a
tsunami and driving towards a volcano.
9.EMBARRASSING MOMENT: couldn’t kill 100
lions with one punch but though 99 died
and the
remaining one is now cripple.
10.PROUDEST MOMENT: a cobra died after
biting
me.
11.HARDEST MOMENT: jumped from an
aeroplane and landed safely on a cricket
pitch.
12.SOMETHING ABOUT ME: I don’t like lying.

Conversation between a Teacher and Mbula….
.
Teacher : Assume your in the jungle and a lion is about to attack you,what will you do.?
Mbula : I will stop assuming.

I bought a cellphone from an Indian shop
Then when I switch it off it says “Goodbye My Friend”

There was a man who used to cross the border,from S A to Zim. Every month he would be on a bicycle carrying some riversand. The customs officer searched him thoughroughly and would find nothing in the sand. They would then give him a smile and let him pass. He did that for years and years still the officers wondered what was in the sand. After the man had stopped crossing the border he met one of the retired customs officer,and he asked tell me what were you up to carrying all that sand? The man smiled and said apparently I was smuggling bicycles!

My girlfriend found a lipstick in my pocket.
I personally admitted that I am cheating….
I can’t tell her am selling Avon.
I want to eat my money in peace

A blind guy visited his choir mistress at home
and found her bathing. since he was blind, she
let him in. After bathing, she came out naked
with her legs spread and started shaving in front
of him and tried to make a conversation by
asking him, brother John, what brings you here?
Is everything OK at home? He replied, yes o, very
fine. I came to tell you that I have done the eye
surgery and I can see very clearly now

Rosy was one of those UGLY women, so ugly that it hurt; she had never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help. Honey! said the psychic. You will not have
luck in love in this life. But after death, you will be a
much desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
rosy left very happy and so excited, as she went
over a bridge she thought “the sooner I die, the sooner my next happy life begins”
So she decided to jump off the bridge right away.
But, incredibly rosy didn’t die after she jumped! She fell on the back of a truck full of
bananas, she lost her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still drowsy and not
being able to see very well and not knowing where she was, she started touching and feeling
her surroundings, feeling all the bananas! she mumbled with a huge smile on her face and said “GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN,
PLEASE!! ONE AT A TIME!