When your girlfriend say ” I’m out with my friends” and you ask her which ones? And she says “You don’t know them” 🙁
.
My brother you better be prepared, you might as well start processing the break-up papers. She’s cheating sham

5 ways for a Woman to be
completely happy.
1. Be with a man that makes
you laugh
2. Be with a man that gives you
his time
3. Be with a man that takes
care of you
4. Be with a man that really
loves you
5. Most important, make sure
these four men dont know
each other.

ATMs should have timers! When your time is up, it should swallow your card and spray tear gas at you…
Honesty, we are tired of people who play candy crush at the ATM mxm

What is Mhlolo?
.
Mhlolo is when you give a lift to a
beautiful girl and she faints in your car. You take her to the
hospital and the doctor says she is pregnant and
congratulates you that you will soon be a father . You shout
that you are not the father but the girl insist that you are the
father……Things are now getting Mhloloful you now require a
DNA test to prove that you are not the father…Things
become Mhlolostic when the doctor comes with results
saying you cannot be the father because you are infertile….
You are relieved but on your way home you remember you
are married with three kids at home!….. Now you are
extremely Mhlolicious Now you begin to ask yourself who is
the father to those three kids?… Now you get home to find
out the father to those kids is your gateman … You are now
Mhloloned You then decide to go to your mum to tell her the
sad news… Your mum with tears running down her cheeks
tells you ‘my son I’m so sorry….your dad isn’t your real
dad’…. Then you know things are Mhlolocated And if you
dont forward this you are a Mhlolocriosis

A Man In USA Sees A Dog Attacking A Girl.

He Kicks The Dog And Dog Dies.

Newspapers Report: “Local Hero Saves Girl From Dog”

Man Says: “I Am Not American.”

Report Changed: “Foreign Hero Saves Girl From Dog”

Man Says: “Actually, I Am Pakistani.”

Breaking News: “Terrorist Killed Innocent Dog Which Was Playing With A Girl.”

Man Dies. In Heaven He Sees A Large Wall Full Of Clocks.

He Asks Angel: “What Are These For?”

Angel Answers: “These Are Lie Clocks, Every Person Has Lie Clock! Whenever You Lie On Earth, Clock Moves.”

The Man Points Towards A Clock And Asks: “Whose Clock Is This?”

Angel Says: “Its Mother Teresa’s. It Never Moved, Showing That She Never Told Lie”

The Man Asks: “Where Is Indian Politician’s Clock?”

Angel Replies: “That’s In Our Office, We Use It As Table Fan“

A Bar Opened Opposite A Church!

The Church Prayed Daily Against The Bar Business

Days Later The Bar Was Struck By Lightning & Caught Fire Which Destroyed It.

Bar Owner Sued The Church Authorities For The Cause Of Its Destruction,

As It Was An Action Because Of Their Prayer, The Church Denied All Responsibility!

So, The Judge Commented,

“It’s Difficult To Decide The Case

Because

Here We Have A Bar Owner Who Believes In The Power Of Prayer

&

An Entire Church That Doesn’t Believe In It !”

A Lecturer Teaching Medical Was Tutoring A Class On Observation.

He Took Out A Jar Of Yellow-Coloured Liquid. This, He Explained, Is Urine.

To Be A Doctor, You Have To Be Observant Two Color, Smell, Sight And Taste.

After Saying This, He Dipped His Finger Into The Jar And Put It Into His Mouth.

His Class Watched On In Amazement, Most, In Disgust!

But Being The Good Students That They Were, The Jar Was Passed,

And One By One, They Dipped One Finger Into The Jar,

And Then Put It Into The Jar And Then Put It Into Their Mouth.

After The Last Std. Was Done, The Lecturer Shook His Head!

The Lecturer: “If Any Of You Had Been Observant, You Would Have Noticed,

That To Put My Second Finger Into The Jar And My Third Finger Into My Mouth.“

The Best Way To Smuggle Drugs Is To Place Them Up A Dog’s Ass.

That Way, Even If The Sniffer Dog Suspects Anything,

The Officials Will Think It’s Just Horny.

Before Exam Boy To His Girl-Friend

Boy: “Hey, All The Best”

Girl-Friend: “All The Best To You Too”

But Girl Scored 80 Marks And Boy Failed.

Moral: Only Boys Wish With True Heart.

Niggas with no beards should have a
meeting and discuss their gender

A woman awakes during the night to find
that her husband was not in their
bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes
downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table
with a hot cup of coffee in front
of him. He appears to be in deep thought,
just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye
and takes a sip of his coffee.
‘What’s the matter, dear?’ she whispers as
she steps into the room, “Why
are you down here at this time of night?”
The husband looks up from his coffee,”I am
just remembering when we
first met 20 years ago and started dating.
You were only 16. Do you remember
back then?” he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that
her husband is so caring, so
sensitive.
“Yes, I do.” she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not
coming easily.
“Do you remember when your father caught
us in the back seat of my car?”
“Yes, I remember!” said the wife, lowering
herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continues,“Do you remember
when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said,’Either you marry my daughter,
or I will send you to jailfor 20 years?”
“I remember that too.” she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and
says,”I would have been released today.”

The amount of lipstick some guys have
swallowed in the name of kissing is
enough to paint two local governments
schools

I don’t think you will stop laughing at this
one..??
A man ordered for a voice automated robot
car that does anything he tells it to do
correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on
errands. He became very proud of what the
car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him
to tell the car to go and pick the children
from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car…
Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn’t return in time as
expected, they knew something must be
wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man
became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a
report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw
the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and
said… “These are your children sir..!”
In the car were their Landlady’s two
daughters, his wife’s best friend’s daughter,
his secretary’s son and their neighbours
two sons.
The Wife in full anger…
Don’t tell me all these are your children..??
The man asked her calmly…
First you tell me why our children are not in
the car..??

South Africa is not going forward because we
still have people who smell their armpits to
decide if they will bath or not.