Whoever sold a calculator to my grandmother and told her
it’s a mobile phone your days are numbered

A Break up can make you google things like
‘How to be strong’

I said I’ll Pay You At The End Of The Month,
I Didn’t Say Which Month

Wife : I’m Going To London , What Gift Do You Want ?

Husband : One British Girl

* Wife Returned From Her Trip From London*

Husband : Where Is My Gift ??

Wife : Wait For 9 Months …!

Welcome To The 21st century !!

*Our Phone – Wireless
*Cooking – Fireless
*Cars – Keyless
*Food – Fatless
*Tyre – Tubeless
*Dress – Sleeveless
*Youth – Jobless
*Leaders – Shameless
*Relationship – Meaningless
*Attitude – Careless
*Wives – Fearless
*Babies – Fatherless
*Feelings – Heartless
*Education – Valueless
*Children – Mannerless

Everything Is Becoming Less But Still Our Hope – Endless

*in Fact I Am – Speechless 😗😍😂

Whites wedding 💒
Invites: 100
Attendance: 65
Gifts: 65
Missing items: 0
.
Blacks wedding 💒
Invites: 150
Attendance: 4567
Gifts: 0
Missing items: Cellphone, 5 Litre cooking oil, Pakete ya dikuku,
2 litre Coca Cola, , Brent Wood 👖ya Malome

An American Tourist Asked A Boat guy in Zanzibar, ” Do You know Biology , Psychology , Geography, Geology Or Criminology ?”

The Boat Guy Said ” No, I don’t know any of these .”

The Tourist Then Said ” What The Hell Do You know on the face of this earth? You Will die of illiteracy

The Boat Guy Said Nothing… After a while the boat developed a fault and started sinking. The Boatman Then Asked the tourist
, ” Do you know Swimology and Escapology From Crocodiology ?”

The Tourist said” No ”

The Boat Guy Replied, ” Well , Today you will Drownology and Crocodiology Will Eat Your Assology I will not helpology and you will dieology because of your badmouthology

TALKING WITH YOUR CRUSH😊
FOR AN HOUR
IT’S FEELS LIKE IT’S 60 MINUETS

When Going To School
.
White People
.
*2 Books📚
*1pen ✏
*1pencel
*Erasser 😁
*Apple🍏
*1phone📱
*Textbook📖
*Charpner
*Banana🍌
.
Black

*9books 😨
*Lunch Box 😢
*Machangane Bag :v
*12Textbook 😅
*Lunch Box For Shiit 😂
*Ponds😦
*Charger😑
*5Cellpone 🙂
*7Flip File :v
*Headset 😁
*Polish Nd brush :v
*LeTsela laho Phumula 😆
* mirror 😡
*Dawn☺
*Vaseline😣
*Strght cap 😢
*Backet Head 😂
*Scarf 😂
*7 BallPen :v
*HandClove 😊
*Tissue ☺
* Hair con 😕
*Bottle For Water 😦
*3Eraser 😉
*tablet 😃
*Laptop 😐
*Weed Nd Cigarette

Bcoz there was no water in our flat today,a lady next door asked me to help her carry her 2×25 litre container of water up to 4th floor. She was like, “Thanks a lot, just put them down there by the door, my boyfriend is inside he doesn’t want guys company so he will wake up and take them inside”.*
*Once she went inside I carried them back downstairs.
I don’t tolerate Nonsense!!!!*

A woman wanted to reach her
husband on his mobile phone
but discovered that she was
out of credit; she instructed
her son – to use his own
phone to pass across an
urgent message to daddy who
is at site.
After the son had called, he
got back to mummy to inform
her that it was a lady that
picked up daddy’s phone the
three times he tried reaching
dad on the mobile.
(Women!!)
She waited impatiently for her
husband to return from site,
immediately she sighted him,
she gave him a very hard slap,
while the man was trying to
ask why? She repeated the
slap, people from
neighborhood rushed around
to know the cause of this.
The man asked his son to tell
everybody what the lady said
to him when he called,
son said:
“The number u are trying to
call is not reachable at the
Moment. Please Try Again
Later”.

Habits That Will Make You Poor Forever

There are habits you can develop that will make you poor forever.

1 Sleeping early and waking up late

Poor people sleep early and wake up late. Statistics from a popular researcher in USA showed that nearly 90% of the poor people sleep between 7pm and 9pm and wake up between 6am and 9am while rich people sleep earliest 9pm and wake up latest 6am.

In life, the more time you dedicate into your work, the higher the chances of getting optimum results.

Poor people don’t see the value of putting more time into their work, they simply work under instructions.

2 Take a lot of alcohol daily and other hard drugs

The worst mistake you can make is to start swimming into alcohol. You will eventually become an addict, thus affecting your output.

If you want to be rich, you must have specific time you take alcohol and the limit set.

3 Keep lazy friends

Your friends will determine how far you’ll get in life because your thoughts and your friends thoughts are almost similar. If you have lazy friends, friends with little ambitions, the only thing you can achieve in life is breathing.

4 Marry and have many children when you have nothing

If you’re born by poor parents, the best thing to do to your life is not to marry when you have nothing or if you get married don’t have many children. It’s ironical that rich people have few children while poor children have several children.

When you give birth, that child will always look up to you for all the basic needs a human being needs. If you have 3 to 20 children, you will need several granaries of food to satisfy them. Nearly all your resources will be directed towards upkeep.

5 Spend too much time in school and college

Education should have limits. On this earth, no employer will pay you money enough to satisfy you even if you possess 30 degrees. Rich people have few academic papers because they know the value of being innovative as opposed to possessing many degrees. If you look around, you will hardly find a billionaire professor, why?!!

6 Avoiding risks

Most people always like to take safe routes, which is why they are poor. Great opportunities are hidden where risks are high. When you avoid taking risks, it means you have decided to settle for less.

7 Minding other people’s business

When you focus too much on other people’s affairs, you forget about your purpose in life.To succeed, you have to take time to plan, execute and see results. But if your work is to monitor what others are doing, you will achieve little.

8 Being an employee forever

Tell me how many employees are listed in top 1,000 wealthiest people on earth. There is no employer who will pay you more than they pay themselves.

WONDERFUL DEFINITIONS :
SCHOOL :
A place where Parents pay and children play
LIFE INSURANCE :
A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
NURSE :
A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
MARRIAGE :
It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman
gains her masters..
TEAR :
The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
CONFERENCE :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
FATHER :
A banker provided by nature
CRIMINAL :
A person no different from the rest….
Except that he / she got caught
BOSS :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early !!!!
POLITICIAN :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence thereafter
DOCTOR :
A person who holds your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
CONFERENCE ROOM
A room in which a lot of people talk a lot of shit; nobody listens, and everybody disagrees aftereards.

Die Sar

I am apply to my job of security guad to you boss in your company of foset. I complete to std… 7 extermination certificate in 1997 during voting that year. My skool Uzumba high school very good. I am 27 years to be born of age and no waif and no childish. My father is left long time ago and my mother is marry in Mateblelend there 10 ears now. So nobody known to help me. My certificate is just sitting home for itself but pass English and fail Shonar and mathematics because of Ndlovu teacher teaching me is jealous of myself. Me wear expenses watch and clothes than ndlovu teacher.

I hear you people want security guards to your company. I tell you am on job experience for 2 ears, me watch Rambo one and two. I can chase a thief. I am red for intefiew with you. Thank you sar. Please, also great your waif.

Yours, in peace:
Nyaa..

I don’t know who needs to hear this but
“You’re not the main Chick..!”

Some people gossip too much
They end up telling u what u told them