Aman was summoned to his attorney’s office.
“Doyou want the bad news first or the terrible news?” the lawyer said.
Man-“Giveme the bad news first.”
Lawyer-“Your wife found a picture worth a million dollars.”
Man-“That’sthe bad news?” laughed the man. “I can’t wait to hear the terrible news.”
Lawyer-The terrible news is…
“Thepicture is of you and your secretary!”
Loading views...
Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…
As the food was served, Husband said:
“The Food looks delicious, let’s eat.”
Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That’s at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.
Loading views...
Girlfriend : My Heart Is Like Moble and You Like a Sim Card..!
Boyfriend : I Am Very Happy.!
Girlfriend :don’t Be Too Happy..
if I Get a New Offer ,i Will Change the Sim Card..!
Loading views...
Girlfriend : I Am Not Able To Install “Prisma” App In My Phone.
Boyfriend : Check Your Phone Storage Is Full.
Girlfriend : Hmm ..is There Any Alternative Of This App.
Boyfriend : Yes.. Take Selfie Without “Makeup”
Loading views...
A boy met a girl in Metro.
Girl: Every time you smile, I feel like inviting you to my place.
Boy: Awwww… Are you single?
Girl: No, I am a Dentist!
Loading views...
Patient: Doctor! You’ve got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me.
No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say.
:
:
Doctor: Next please!
Loading views...
Teacher : Tell me the name of any Microsoft Product?
Bunty : MS Excel !
Lucky : MS Word !
Bittu : MS Powerpoint..!
Pappu after thinking a lot, “MS Dhoni”!
Loading views...
I can’t believe I made it anywhere creatively, though, because I was raised by two loving and supportive parents. Nothing squashes creativity more than unconditional love and support from a functional household. If you have kids, sh*t on their dreams a little bit.
Loading views...
The teacher says, “Here is a math problem.
If your father makes $300 dollars a week
and he gives your mother half,
what will he have?”
The student answers, “A very bad feeling.”
Loading views...
Ultimate Thought Of Wiliam Sxfear 4 All Beautiful Grls.
Be Wid Sumone Who Spoils Ur Lipstick
Not Ur Eyeliner
Loading views...
A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found that it is under normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.
“Breast fed,” the woman replied.
“Well, take off your clothes,” the doctor asked. She did. He started to examine her breasts. He pressed them many times in different places.
Then he asked her to get dressed and he said, “Of course, the baby is underweight! You don’t have any milk.”
“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.
Loading views...
A Mature Lady Gets Pulled Over For Speeding
Lady: “Is There A Problem, Officer?”
Traffic Cop: “Yes Mam, I’m Afraid You Were Speeding.”
Lady: “Oh, I See.”
Cop: “Can I See Your License Please?”
Lady: “Well, I Would Give It To You But I Don’t Have One.”
Cop: “Don’t Have One?”
Lady: “No. I Lost It 4 Years Ago For Drunk Driving.”
Cop: “I See, Can I See Your Vehicle Registration Papers Please.”
Lady: “I Can’t Do That.”
Cop: “Why Not?”
Lady: “I Stole This Car.”
Cop: “Stole It?”
Lady: “Yes, And I Killed And Hacked Up The Owner.”
Cop: “You What!?”
Lady: “His Body Parts Are In Plastic Bags In The Trunk If You Want To See”
The Cop Looks At The Woman And Slowly Backs Away To His Car While Calling For Back Up.
Within Minutes 5 Police Cars Circle The Car.
A Senior Officer Slowly Approaches The Car, Clasping His Half Drawn Gun.
Officer: “Mam, Could You Step Out Of Your Vehicle Please!”
The Woman Steps Out Of Her Vehicle.
Lady: “Is There A Problem Sir?”
Officer: “My Colleague Here Tells Me That You Have Stolen This Car And Murdered The Owner.”
Lady: “Murdered The Owner? Are You Serious?!”
Officer: “Yes, Could You Please Open The Trunk Of Your Car, Please.”
The Woman Opens The Trunk, Revealing Nothing But An Empty Trunk.
Officer: “Is This Your Car, Mam?”
Lady: “Yes, Here Are The Registration Papers.”
The Cop Is Quite Stunned.
Officer: “My Colleague Claims That You Do Not Have A Driving License.”
The Woman Digs Into Her Handbag And Pulls Out A Clutch Purse And Hands It To The Officer.
The Officer Examines The License Quizzically.
Officer: “Thank You Mam, But I Am Puzzled, As I Was Told By My Officer Here That You Didn’t Have A License, That You Stole This Car, And That You Murdered And Hacked Up The Owner!”
Lady: “Bet The Lying Bastard Also Told You I Was Speeding, Too.”
So, Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies
Loading views...
A wife asks her husband if he is planning to
do anything for their wedding anniversary.
The husband looks at her and says,
“Where we are from,
we don’t celebrate mistakes. “
Loading views...
Question: “What Is The Hardest Job In The World?”
Answer: “Sketching For Police Officers In China“
Loading views...
The man says, “God, how long is a million years?”
God says, “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man says, “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God replies, “To me it’s a penny.”
The man says, “God, can I have a penny?”
God says, “Wait a minute.”
Loading views...
Philosophy Of Life:
At The Beginning Of Any Relationship,
Every Girl Feels Her Boyfriend Is GOD.
Later On Somehow The Alphabets Get Reversed.
Loading views...
