A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. ‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied, ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’. The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied, ‘Your horse phoned’

Little Johnny walks into his mother’s room and catches her topless.
”Mommy, Mommy, what are those?” he says pointing to her chest.
“Well, son,” she says, These are Mommies balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven.
”Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes off quite satisfied.
Two days later while his mother is making tea, Johnny rushes into the kitchen.
“Mommy, mommy, Aunt Eliza is dying!”
“What do you mean?” says his mother.
“Well she’s out in the garden shed, lying on the floor.
Both of her balloons are out, Dad’s blowing them up, and she keeps yelling, ”God, I’m coming! God, I’m coming!”

What is uMhlola?
uMhlola is when you give a lift to a
beautiful girl and she faints in your car. You take
her to the hospital and the doctor says she is
pregnant and congratulates you that you will soon be
a father . You shout that you are not the father but
the girl insist that you are the father……
Things are now getting Mhlolaful you now
require a DNA test to prove that you are not the
father…
Things become Mhlolostic when the doctor
comes with results saying you cannot be the father
because you are infertile…. You are relieved but on
your way home you remember you are married with
three kids at home!…..
Now you are extremely Mhlolicious
Now you begin to ask yourself who is the father
to those three kids?… Now you get home to find out
the father to those kids is your gateman … You
are now Mhlolaned
You then decide to go to your mum to tell her the
sad news… Your mum with tears running down her
cheeks tells you ‘my son I’m so sorry….your dad isn’t
your real dad’…. Then you know things are
Mhlolacated
And if you dont forward this you are a
Mhlolacriosis

When two slenders walking too close
to each other they look like 11 o’clock .

MY BEST FRIEND
—————————
Before the King went to war, he locked his wife (the beautiful Queen ), in the room & gave the key to his best friend & said:
“If I am not back within 4 days, open the room and she is yours”….
He sat on his horse & hit the road.
Half an hour later, the king noticed a dust cloud & sound behind him.
He stopped & saw his friend riding very fast towards him.
“What’s wrong ?” the King asked.
Out of breath, his friend answered,
“It’s the wrong Key…!! ”
😆🙆‍♂😂😹😝😎
Please beware of the one, whom you call your best friend.

My wrk mate
Just received 2 sms from his wife
First sms: Let’s break up now, its all over
Second sms: sorry, sorry, sorry, that was not for you.
Now he does not know what to do, lets help

PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND I’M CONFUSED…THURSDAY IS NOVEMBER…FRIDAY IS DECEMBER…DOES IT MEAN SATURDAY IS JANUARY?

*Who Yr Wife is ….*
*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
1. Your wife is not perfect, forgive her.
2. Your wife is the bone of your bone, do not break her.
3. Your wife is a gift, appreciate her.
4. Your wife is a rare gem, guide her jealously.
5. Your wife is your best friend, be friendly with her.
6. Your wife is your joy, nourish her.
7. Your wife is to be cherished, be cheerful to her.
8. Your wife is your portion, cherish her.
9. Your wife is not a devil, don’t dump her.
10. Your wife is not only good for sex, carry her along in every issue.
Love Is The Greatest
11. Your wife is not your enemy, encourage her.
12. Your wife is not a family material, never commit her unto the hand of your family members.
13. Your wife is not your rival, don’t compete with her.
14. Your wife is a female gender, honor her.
15. Your wife is not common, don’t compare her.
16. Your wife is not a wash hand base, stop abusing her.
17. Your wife is a weaker vessel, handle her with care.
18. Your wife is a beautiful queen, celebrate her.
19. Your wife is not a fighter, don’t fight her.
20. Your wife is not a punching bag, don’t beat her.
21. Your wife is not a game, don’t play her.
22. Your wife need foreplay, don’t rape her.
23. Your wife is a hook, get hook to her.
24. Your wife is all you love, praise her.
25. Your wife is important, honor her.
26. Your wife is what u make her to be, accept her.
27. Your wife is your joy, pursue her.
28. Your wife needs your honor, never embarrass her in the public.
29. Your wife is not a knife, be nice to her.
30. Your wife is a distinct personality, never compare her to any work.
31. Your wife is loyal, don’t be suspicious of her.
32. Your wife is not a fool, listen to her advice.
33. Your wife is not malicious, do not keep malice with her.
34. Your wife is the best friend you can have, befriend her.
35. Your wife is not a napkin, do not misuse her.
36. Your wife is not your house girl, support her in the kitchen.
37. Your wife is passionate, do not by- pass her.
38. Your wife is very important to you, do not abandon her.
39. Your wife is a queen, do not quarrel with her.
40. Your wife is not the only owner of the sit, help her to baby sit.
41. Your wife is reasonable, do not under- rate her.
42. Your wife is your responsibility, provide for her.
43. Your wife is yourself, do not separate her bed.
44. Your wife is number one in your life, priorities her
45. Your wife is your treasure, jealously guide her.
46. Your wife need your help, help her.
47. Your wife need your full attention, do not give it to T.V set.
48. Your wife is valuable, add more value to her.
49. Your wife is your crown, do not abandon her.
50. You will account to God about your wife, handle her with care. She may be or seem fragile, but is strong.
God bless our wives, mothers& daughters.

A handsome man went into a hotel and asked to see the boss. When the boss came, the story began.
-The client: is room 39 empty?
-The boss: yes, sir.
-The client: can I book it?
-The boss: of course you can.
-The client: thank you.
Before going to the room, the client asked the boss to provide him with a black knife, a white thread 39 cm and an orange 73g.
The boss agreed though he was surprized at the weird things the client asked to have.
The client went into his room, he didn’t ask for food or anything else.
Unfortunately for the boss, his room was next to room 39.
After midnight, the boss heard strange voices and noise in that client’s room. Voices of wild animals and of utensils and dishes being thrown on the floor.
The boss didn’t sleep that night. He kept thinking and wondering what might be the source of the noise.
In the morning, when the client handed the keys to the boss, the latter asked to see the room first.
He went to the room and found everything alright. Nothing unusual. He even found the thread, the black knife and the orange on the table.
The client paid the bill and gave the bellboys a very good tip and left the hotel smiling.
The boss was in a shock but he didn’t reveal what he heard to the bellboys. In fact, he started to doubt himself.
After one year, the client showed up again. He asked to see the boss again. The boss was in a puzzle.
The client asked the same things: room 39, black knife, white thread 39cm and an orange 79g.
This time, the boss wanted to know the truth by all means possible. He spent a sleepless night, waiting for something to happen. After midnight, the same voices and noises started, this time louder and more indecipherable than the year before.
Again, before leaving, the client paid his bill and left a large tip on the table for the bellboys. The smile didn’t leave his face.
The boss started searching for the meaning of everything the client asked to have. Why did he ask room 39? why the white thread? why the black knife??? In fact, the boss didn’t arrive to any convincing answer to all these questions.
The boss now was eagerly waiting for the month of March, the month in which the client showed up.
To his surprise, on the first day of March, the same client showed up. He asked the same questions. Wanted to book the same room, wanted to have the same things as before.
The boss again heard the same noises, this time more louder than before.
In the morning, when the client was leaving the hotel, the boss apologized politely to the client and asked to know the secret behind the noises in the room.
-”If I tell you the secret, do you promise to never reveal it to anyone else?”
-”I promise I will never let anyone know”.
-”Swear”
-”I swear I won’t reveal your secret”
So finally, the client revealed his secret to the boss.
Unfortunately, the boss was a sincere person. Until now he hasn’t revealed his secret to anyone.
When he does, I will let you know… thank you for reading.
Do you want to come and beat me?

Wives why do yu go after girlfriends/small houses?……..
Go after your husband.
*Wives*: its operation restore legacy…..
we go after the criminals around him