I saved my girlfriend contact with her real name on my phonebook but usually when i pick her call i say ‘hi love…’ So yesterday i ran out of airtym while talking to her, so i had to use my friend’s phone to call her without him noticing. when i dialed her number on his phone, it displayed “MY LOVE…” So i was wondering how that smartphone knew i was calling her. iphones are really smart. I’m really considering getting one

No1:
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning.

No 2:
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, “so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.”

No 3:
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said “sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!”

No 4:
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: “What are you doing?” Ask the son. Father: “I’m putting petrol in your Mom.” Son: ” Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!” Mother fainted!!!

No 5:
A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, “You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay.

No 6:
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, “Your Honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?”The boy whispers, “Don’t shake it, we’ll lose the case!”

There is a lesbian struggling with heavy groceries infront of me, do I help her or let her be the man she’s trying to be?

That moment when you come to your bae wearing panties with laces, and he just takes it off together with your jeans and throws them away behind the bed not bothering looking at it.

Ex:why you don’t answer your phone??
Me:cos I lost my memory card

Am sure on Valentine’s day

i wl only get a message from Cell C reminding me to pay them the $10 airtime that I owe them.

Shoutout to my school teacher who said
I’m going to end up being a taxi conductor…
Tomorrow’s my 1st day