Teacher: John what is 9-8
John : i don’t know sir
Teacher: okay you have 9 beers and ben takes 8 beers what will be left

John: 9 beers and a dead man

Girl : “wait for me hun, i wanna do my make-up”.
–
Ronnie : “You don’t need a make-up”
–
Girl : “oh! Really Ronnie?……….that is so sweet of you”
–
Ronnie : “No, You need Plastic Surgery”.

Ronnie walked into a bar and saw that cheeseburgers cost R30, Hotdogs R20 and a Handjob R40. He walks towards the counter and asks the lady ;
–
Ronnie : “are you the one who does handjob?”
Lady : “Yes”
Ronnie : “ok, please wash your hands i want a cheesburger”

Yaz Some girls have no chill shame.
They take pictures in expensive restaurants
and crop out the guy who bought food.

2000 girls can Embarrass You sometimes..Today i took out my 2000 bae for a lunch

Waiter: Can I take your orders
Me: Oh yess…Black coffee ..plz..
Bbe: Eeh…Emtee plz… Nx

Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army!

Interviewer, “We want a person with a suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly, having a KILLER INSTINCT !!! So do you think you are eligible?”

Man, “No Sir, but…….. can my Wife apply..?”

The pain that girls feel when they give birth is the same pain we (boys) feel when they say ”I can’t come out im already sleeping see u tomorrow…

My son is turning 2 years today but due to budget
we are not telling him

Examining a female patient brutally beaten by her husband, Doctor tells her: “Your heart, lungs, pulse, BP are fine. Now let me see that cute little thing which gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The woman immediately starts taking off her skirt and underwear.
The doctor shocked said: “No! No! Please! Put on your clothes! Just show me your tongue!”

Wife to her husband text*:
“Big head, you haven’t called me since morning…Are you the only one working in that office? Smh! Fine, continue…”

Side Chic text:
“Babes, you haven’t called today, I guess you’ve been busy with work. I hope you’ve had time to eat something at least. Don’t overwork yourself my love. I will call you later.
I Love you!”

Now do the mathematics yourself, it’s not juju they use in snatching your husbands , is it?

A married woman entered a Pharmacy, she walked to the Pharmacist looked straight into his eyes and said: ‘I would like to buy FAST KILLING POISON FOR HUMANS’.
The bewildered Pharmacist asked: ‘Why, what for? The lady replied: ‘I need it to poison my husband’.
The Pharmacist shouted: ‘Lord have mercy, it’s against the law! It’s a sin.’
Absolutely not! shouted the lady. She reached into her bag and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the Pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and screamed: ‘Why didn’t you tell me you had a Prescription….

Poor countries have the longest National anthems because they explain all their problems in it!

Donald Trump

I have a girlfriend who is a police officer. When she misses me, she just come to my house in uniform and arrest me in presence of my wife and take me to her home till the next day.

Then she bring me back and tell my wife “we are not done with investigations yet. I shall pick him up anytime we want more from him“

And my innocent wife will always say: ‘madam officer, God bless you for handling my husband’s case with care I will make sure he is always available anytime you need him”. Share & enjoy your day as you put smile on somebody’s face also.

Colleagues Bill,Jim and Scott are attending a convention together and staying in a Hotel suit on the top of a 75-storey skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they’re shocked to hear the lifts in their hotel are out of order and that they have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill says to Jim and Scott ”lets break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concestrating on something intresting i’ll tell jokes for 25 storeys,Jim can sing songs for 25 and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stops telling jokes and Bill begins to sing. At 51th floor Jim stops singing and Scott begins to tell sad stories ”I’LL TELL MY SADDEST STORY FIRST” I LEFT OUR ROOM KEY AT THE RECEPTION

A couple both aged 37 went 2 a sex therapist’s office. The DR asked, what cn I do 4 u? The man said “will u watch us hv sex? The Dr looked puzzled but agreed. Wen de couple finished having intercourse the Dr said”there’s nothing wrong with de way u hv intercourse and charged them R250. This happened several weeks in a row, the couple cud make an appointment and hv intercourse with no problems,pay the Dr and leave. FINALLY the Dr asked”Just exactly what r u trying 2 find out?”. The man said”we r nt trying 2 find out anything. She’s is married and we cnt go 2 her house.I’m married so we can’t go 2 my house. At the guest house they charge R650, the hotel charges R800. We do it here for R250 and I claim it back frm Medical Aid!

Grandchild:”Gogo how old are u “?
Gogo:”I don’t know I’m too old “.
Grandchild:”Why can’t you look your underwear ,mine written 4-5 yrs.