The doctor said I must not carry anything heavy.
So now I sit down when I pee

When you failed and you come back late and
when you knock you hear them say education is the key

The movement u want to make soundless fart inside a Taxi,
and u poo on ur cloth, and the passenger start looking u
immediately , u will start talking nonsense. You will be like ” shit…. see how dis traffic light is smelling shit…

On Monday, I asked my wife for R200 to go for a drink since it was a holiday. Truly speaking I’m that one guy who doesn’t like bathing.
So my wife said she will give me that 200 but on one condition.
She said go and bath I have already put some warm water in the bath,
I went there and took some Vaseline and did my own things. I didn’t bath, and then rush back to where she was sitting with our kids.
And I said I’m done bathing may you please give me the money so that I can go?
To my surprise they all started laughing at me and one of my kids said “Lol Dad you didn’t bath because the money is just under the soap”

Your sugar daddy is someone else husband, You gave him flowers and he repackaged them and gave it to his wife, His wife did the same thing and gave it to her sugar boy, Her sugar boy is your boyfriend, your boyfriend finally gave it back to you, Now you are holding flowers you bought by yourself saying “this looks familiar” In physics it is called circular motion, In philosophy It is called Karma, In church it is called back to sender, In life it is called what goes around comes around, In chemistry it is called chain reaction, In computer science it is called looping, In psychology it is called familiar spirit…Now can i get likes?

*Couldn’t stop laughing*
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor & decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn’t bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag. Few minutes later, a drunkard on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: “One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You”….. He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a Church nearby, for the priest… “Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: “One For Me, One For You, One For Me, One For You’………… Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: “What About The Two At The Gate?” You should’ve seen the marathon…

The CEO of a company was walking round the factory to see how the staff were working.
He noticed a guy leaning against the wall doing nothing, he approached the man and asked him, “How much do you earn?”
The guy was amazed and said, “R10 000 Sir”.
The CEO. took out his wallet, gave the guy R20 000 and yelled at him, “I pay people here to work and not waste time loafing around. This is your 2 months salary, now Get out of here, don’t say a word and NEVER come back!”
After the guy had left, the CEO now looked at the other workers and asked, “by the way, who was that guy?”
The workers replied.” he’s just a guy waiting for his friend”

Putting your man on your DP shall never scare us.
We have entered toilets written “Staff Only”

There I was, proposing Love to this girl when the stupid girl asked me if I don’t have a girlfriend….

My sister, Have you ever seen anyone going to buy clothes naked?

Brown bread is healthier than White bread ,
brown sugar is healthier than white sugar…….
Guys, Should we tell White people??

Seeing people walk out of my life is very painful……
I want them to run

If a pregnant woman give birth to two babies, the first one comes out at 11:58pm 31st December 2018, and the second baby comes out at 12.05am of 1st January 2019. QUESTION:1. Are they twins? 2.. Are they age mates?3. Which year will they claim? 4 In which month will they celebrate their birthday? Am not understanding..

Imagine receiving a love💋 Bite’s from a girl who opens beer bottles with her teeth! 💔

My English has improved👐
plz beat hands for me

Did u know that women live longer on earth
because they don’t have wives?😂