That Moment when you dream, Driving VW_golf7_vrrrphaa.
Then when you wake Up BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
You pushing your SINGLE bed to the KITCHEN

NEVER say all he wanted was sex when all you offered was only sex
Have you ever tried to give him money and he refused it?!

*Here is the official letter that all men must send their female partner by the latest June 13, 2018*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Sweetheart;

The FIFA World Cup begins on the 14th of June.

During this period I won’t have a lot of time for you. It’s not that I’m cheating or no longer wish to be with you, but I will have to make ever effort to watch every single match.

I will not be attending any social events such as, weddings, funerals, parties etc. during this period so plz *DO NOT ASK!!!.*

I know you see it as only 22 men chasing a ball but it’s absolutely important that you keep such thoughts to yourself and do not express them during this period….

Here are a few guidelines (I won’t call them rules although you know they are) to ensure a smooth and argument free month:

1. Plz don’t say it’s just a game because it’s not!

2. Plz limit or avoid walking during matches

3. The remote control remains with me all the time

4. You support the team I support. Not the team that has guys you think are cute

5. Kindly place your phone on silent

6. *Never, ever walk in front of the TV while am watching a match!*

7. World Cup is played by countries only so plz don’t ask me which team is Arsenal

8. Finally, highlights are considered as important as the match itself, so yes I must watch the highlights as well!!

Thanks in advance, I look forward to your cooperation and your utter silence.

Sincerely yours,

——————
signature & date

Wife: ( calling from the bath room in a very sweet and husky voice)

” Darling, I am in the bath room. ….have applied soap all over. …please come and rub . …properly with your strong hands….

.”Husband; ( reading newspaper…. jumps up with all happiness ….and tells his wife)

“Sweetheart…….I am coming”
(Reaches the bath room …sees his wife standing with a pile of clothes)

Wife: “listen, I have applied soap to the clothes…..now rub each of the clothes properly and wash them and hang them for drying…..I have enough work in the kitchen .” 😳😳

*Moral:*

*Mutual Fund Investments are subject to market risks, please read scheme related documents carefully, before investing.*

Wanna impress real men ??
Go to school …your curves mean nothing to us

Fat girls be like ” I HATE PIC FRAMES 😡”
but we all know you don’t fit in there dear

Sitting next to you doing nothing means
absolutely everything to me.

Smile! It’s the second best thing you can do with your mouth.
But I like the first one .

The only time a man can truly remember all the girls he has slept with,
is when he is waiting for his HIV TEST RESULT.

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT PARTS OF SOUTH AFRICA.

Scenario 1:
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That’s Polokwane.

Scenario 2:
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles.
Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are definitely in Cape Town, with dem coloured okes.

Senario 3:
Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace. The first two get together and beat him up.
That’s Durban.

Scenario 4:
two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a stand to sell tea and Magwinya.
“Welcome to Joburg”

A man is sitting next to a woman in who’s trying to breast-feed her baby in a bus.

The baby refuses to suck the breast & the mother warns, “If you don’t suck, i shall give it to the uncle next to me”.

The baby still refuses.

After about 20 mins, the woman repeats the ‘threat’.
The man clears his throat & says,

“Look, madam, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off six bus-stops ago…

Poor Old Guy
A man in his 50’s buys a beautiful pair of shoes on his way home from work. When he gets home he asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says no. At bed time he gets completely naked except for his new shoes and again asks his wife if she notices anything different about him. She says well let’s see you’ve got the same old useless cock hangin limp as usual.

He says look at where it’s “pointing”. I bought new shoes!

His wife then says “you should have bought a new hat!