American guy’s wallet:
Dollar bills, ID card and ATM Cards

Zimbabwean guy’s wallet:
3 Condoms, Expired ATM Cards, Voters’ Card, National ID, Shoprite Receipts, Toothpicks, Old kwacha currency etc…

American Lady’s handbag:
Money, Chocolate, ATM card , Apartment keys.

Zimbabwean Lady’s handbag:
Comb, dress, makeup kit, mirror, small pin charger, roll of toilet paper, coins, wrapper , and a Mosquito net.

True or False?

Pain is when you go out to throw away a Pizza Box
and no one sees you

A man was walking
down the street when he was
accosted by a particularly dirty
and shabby-looking homeless
man who asked him for a couple
of cash for dinner.
The man took out his wallet,
extracted 1k and asked, “If I give
you this money, will you buy
some beer with it instead of
dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years
ago,” the homeless man replied.
“Will you use it to go fishing
instead of buying food?” the man
asked.
“No, I don’t waste time fishing,”
the homeless man said. “I spend
all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this on green
fees at a golf course instead of
food?” the man asked.
“Are you NUTS!” replied the
homeless man. “I haven’t played
golf in 20 years!”
“Will you spend the money on a
woman in the red light district
instead of food?” the man asked.
“What disease would I get for
1k?” exclaimed the homeless
man.
“Well,” said the man, “I’m not
going to give you the money.
Instead,
I’m going to take you home for a
terrific dinner cooked by my
wife.”
The homeless man was
astounded.
“Won’t your wife be furious with
you for doing that? I know I’m
dirty and I probably smell pretty
disgusting.”
The man replied, “That’s okay.
It’s important for her to see what
a man looks like after he has
given up beer, fishing, golf and
sex.”

A man sits next to a gal on a table in
the hotel
Man: hello madam?
Lady : what is it?
Man : sorry madam , just wanted to ask
what the time
is on your watch?
Lady: ehee …now you think my watch
is used as a
public clock huh? Go away and stop
wasting my time
Man : but madam
Lady :shut up!!!
* the man takes out his Apple phone
and makes call
Man :hello Naught Ashnaan
I just settled from Washington D.C can
you please tell
me what time it is right now so that I
set my clock to
the local time since it still reads
American time
*she
listens* ok thank you and today don’t
forget to come
for the galaxy tablet that you requested
* she listens*
since my girl is still in America bring
me a beautiful girl
to spend my money with tonight
Ok bye
Lady : sir the time is ..
Man : shut up

I started fearing smoking weed,when I saw my neighbour’s son dancing to the sound of my generator. ..When I switched it off he asked me who sang that song ? Because I was afraid he would beat me , I answered ” Yamaha featuring Petrol”

Women are like police, they can have all the evidence
in the world but they still want a confession.

What do I do when I see someone extremely gorgeous?
I stare, I smile and when I get tired I put the mirror down.

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, *”They had eggs.”*

(I’m sure you’re going back to read this again as this is the root of most marriage problems!!)

Anonymous to Dr Phil; “I am 75, have 5 wifes and also have a blessee, and cant stop sleeping with my friends’s wifes and daughters. Should I marry them also ?”
Dr Phil : “Voetsek Zuma, I know its you !”

Imagine What Church Will Be Like In The Year 2030 if care is not taken…
Pastor: Praise The Lord
Congregation: Hallelujah
Pastor: Can We Pls Open our iPads to Exodus 20:1
When U r Done Kindly Switch On Ur Bluetooth To Receive The Sermon…
Pls Have Ur Debit Cards Ready As We Collect The Tithes And Offerings….
You Can Connect To Church WiFi Using Password: Lord3732
And As For The Renovations And Donations U r Welcome To Contribute Via Cellphone Banking
The Holy Atmosphere Will Be Electric As IPads Flicker
Meanwhile… ANNOUNCEMENTS
Church Secretary: Dis Week’s Meeting Will Be Held On Various WhatsApp Groups So Pls Don’t Miss Out …
Wednesday Bible Teaching Will Be Held Live On Skype @1900GMT…
By D Way You May Follow The Pastor On Twitter For Counselling And don’t Forget Our Weekly Prayers On YouTube… God Bless us….
If care is not taken, this is how next generation children will learn their ABC. A for Apple won’t be useful anymore…. Instead:
A is for ATM
B is for Bluetooth
C is for Chatting
D is for Download
E is for Email
F is for Facebook
G is for Google
H is for Hotmail
I is for instagram
J is for Java
K is for Konga
L is for Laptop
M is for MTN
N is for Network
O is for Opera Mini
P is for PicMix
Q is for QuickTime
R is for RAM
S is for Skype
T is for Twitter
U is for USB
V is for Vista
W is for WhatsApp
X is for Xender
Y is for Yahoo
Z is for Zuma

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning
and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no…. I was released from jail.”

The way SAPS have poor service you will wait at a police station queue
until you forgive the person you were going to report.

Teacher: “Rich the composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brothers’. Did you copy his?”

Rich: “No madam, it’s the same dog

Rich’s wife was pregnant

Wife: “darling, guess what?☺

Rich: “what?”😶

Wife: “I went for the scan today and the scan revealed that I’m pregnant with a set of twins”😊☺😊

Rich: “Really? Two babies??”😨

Wife: “so who’s the father of the second child??

You’re Single at the age of 35 yet you still ask guys “Where did you get my number?” 😟😟
_
Yeeer Gogo you’re stubborn

Doctor:How are you?.??
Patient:I’m fine doctor…
Doctor: Next patient please!!