Funny guys are dangerous😂😂

They’ll make you laugh and laugh and laugh….

Then boom you’re naked

Nobody keeps in touch like a female
you promised money

If you’re a single lady and you’re reading this…

Congratulations you now have a boyfriend😉

Hello “Bae”

That awkward moment
when the teacher tells you to read out loud …
And you don’t even know what page they’re on

A fat man saw an advertisement: “Lose 5Kg In A Week”⚠

He called and said: “I would like to join”😕

The girl said: “ok, be ready tomorrow at 6 am”😐

The next morning he got to the office and was taken to a room …he opened the door and found a hot babe wearing only shirt and pant😋

She said: “If you can catch me…you can sleep with me!”😉… the man started running after her but couldn’t catch her😩…During the whole week he tried to catchher but he couldn’t and he lost 5 Kg…

He then asked for the 10Kg program…The next morning at 6 am, he opened the door and found hotter babe wearing a bikini👙…she said: “If you can catch me, you will sleep with me…” He lost 10Kg that week…

So he thought that this program was awesome…He then requested for a 25kg program…The girl asked: “Are u sure??…it is really tough!!”😐

The man said: “Why not?”💪

The next day he opened the door expecting to see a naked girl but found a naked man who said: “If i catch you, i will sleep with you!”😀

That week the man lost 40Kg

She updated her profile pic and her mother commented:
“whose clothes are those??

Being ugly is not easy…
Sometimes when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror
you end up saying: “maybe it’s not me”

Cuddling is for the rich.
No woman want to place her head on a broke man’s chest,
when the heart is beating “Debt debt debt”

Being Popular on Facebook is like
sitting at the coolest table in cafeteria
at a Mental hospital function

Dad: Who do you like more ,Mum o Dad?
Son:Both

Dad:Ok if i go to America and your mum goes to Paris ,where will you go.
Son: Paris.
Dad: Dat means you like your mum more? Son:No ,that means i like Paris Dad: Ok if i go to Paris and your mum goes to America ,where will you go?
Son: America.
Dad: (Angry) Why! ?
Son: ‘cos l’ve been to Paris before. Dad: (angry) when did you go to Paris ? Son : in the first question you asked.

One word for the boy?

A Zimbabwean policeman stops at a ranch in rural Mvurwi and talks with an old farmer.

He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.’ The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The policeman verbally explodes saying,
‘Mister, I have the authority of the State with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his ID. The policeman proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this ID? This ID means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the police running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The police is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your ID! SHOW HIM YOUR ID!”

Cheating on your wife doesn’t mean that you don’t love her, it’s like hiring a taxi when you have your own car at home. It saves tyres, ensures longer lasting beauty and reduces mileage. Please send this to your wife and see what happens. *Please, let me know which hospital to come to visit you!*

A guy takes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,

very closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

Our kids are in trouble 😳😳😳… Nigerian volunteer teachers coming

How Nigerians pronounce English words:

1. Diz hwan – This one
2. Ozzband – Husband
3. Gugu – Google
4. Broader – brother
5. Con son- concern
6. Save johnny – safe journey
7. Order shy knees – other Chinese
8. Lukatit – look at it
9. More door – mother

Lastly…….most hilarious!!!!

10. Salt of free car – South Africa!!!!