In Order to have a Girlfriend Nowadays

My Brother You Must Be Alright
Physically, Emotionally, Mentally, Kissically
Motorcally, and Walletically….

I saved my girlfriend contact with her real name on my phonebook but usually when i pick her call i say ‘hi love…’ So yesterday i ran out of airtym while talking to her, so i had to use my friend’s phone to call her without him noticing. when i dialed her number on his phone, it displayed “MY LOVE…” So i was wondering how that smartphone knew i was calling her. iphones are really smart. I’m really considering getting one

No1:
A man was so jealous of his newly born baby that he put poison on the wife’s nipples while she was asleep. The next day their driver died of poisoning.

No 2:
A man is dying of cancer, but keeps telling people he is dying of AIDS. His son asked his Dad why. He answered, “so that when I am dead, no one will sleep with your mum.”

No 3:
A lady lost three panties in her house and blamed her maid in front of the husband. Maid said “sir. you are my witness you know I never wear panties!”

No 4:
Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: “What are you doing?” Ask the son. Father: “I’m putting petrol in your Mom.” Son: ” Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr. Zwane just put some in yesterday!” Mother fainted!!!

No 5:
A man went to the pub with his wife. When he left for the counter to buy drinks a prostitute approached his wife & whispered, “You must DEMAND cash before sex, I know him he doesn’t pay.

No 6:
An 8 year old boy is accused of rape. In court his lady lawyer holds his dick out as evidence saying, “Your Honour see this, can he rape* with this tiny tot?”The boy whispers, “Don’t shake it, we’ll lose the case!”