पत्नी ( बड़े प्यार से ) – सुनिये जी , मेरी स्किन बहुत ऑयली ऑयली सी हो गयी है , बताइये न , मैं क्या लगाऊं ?
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पति . ये लो विम बार , ये पूरी चिकनाई हटा देगा …
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लड़की: ये टीवी कितने का है? ?
दुकानदार : 50,000/- रू. ?
लड़की: इतना महंगा? ऐसा क्या खास है? ?
दुकानदार : ये लाईट जाने के बाद AUTOMATIC बंद हो जाता है ??
लड़की: ओह पैक कर दो फिर तो ? ? ? ?
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पहला कैदी – शक्लें भी खूब धोखा देती हैं | एक बार एक साहब मुझे दिलीप कुमार समझ बैठे |
दूसरा कैदी – ठीक कह रहे हो , मेरे साथ भी ऐसा ही हुआ | मुझे देखकर एक साहब जवाहरलाल नेहरू का धोखा खा गए |
तीसरा कैदी – अजी , यह तो कुछ भी नहीं | मैं जब चौथी बार जेल पहुंचा . तो जेलर बोला – हे भगवान ! तू फिर आ गया |
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When your wife keeps her head on your chest and slowly asks
“Dear do have any women in your life other than me”?
Remember your answer is not important at this time
Important is your heartbeat. Keep your heart beat in control
So be careful
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Indoda ibambe umfazi wayo nendoda. Icasuke ife ithathe umfazi wayo bahambe baye ekhaya. Mabefika ekhaya isho ngokuthukuthela okukhulu ithi “wena mfazi thatha zonke izingubo zakho uham….. “iringe ifoni kankosikazi ubaba esakhuluma. Unkosikazi ayiphendule ku loud speaker. Kuzwakale nje ” thank you for claiming your lotto winnings, you may comey to our offices to collect your 3million rands ” Ajabule Unkosikazi mayeqeda athi “baba uthe izingubo zami zenzenjani? ” indoda isho ngelipholile ithi, “bengithi letha zonke izingubo zakho ngikuwashele
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Uthi uyadlula nendoda yakho emfishane ngase Creche uzwe ngengane sezimemeza zithi
“weMisi !! Misi!!!! nang omunye sebaleka”
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*Mxolisi:* _”Hey baby, ngi lana kini ngaphandle. Ukuphi?”_
*Gugu:* _”Eish baby, sorry angikho ekhaya ngila e-Jo’burg ngihambe izolo. Bow’funani?”_
*Mxolisi:* _”Eish, ag no it’s fine baby. I wanted to see you, ngino Ten Thousand Rand.”_
*Gugu:* _”Eh, baby!.. Okay just give me five minutes, I’ll be there!”_
*Mxolisi:* _”Hawu, 5 minutes from e-Jo’burg baby?”_
*Gugu:* LOL _”No, relax-a baby. Silana kwamngane wami, sithi kuse Jo’burg. It’s just two blocks away from ekhaya, ngiyeza now now my love.”_
*Mxolisi:* _”Okay ke baby, sizokulinda.”_
*Gugu:* _”Hawu nizongilinda? Kanti uhamba nobani?”_
*Mxolisi:* LOL _”Oh eish, sorry s’thandwa sami. Ngino Lindo, umngane wami wase Thekwini. Uyam’khumbula mos, angithi? We call him u ‘Ten Thousand Rand’ sometimes.”_
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ANG MGA TAKSIL:
Nag-under time si MISIS sa trabaho dahil medyo
masama raw ang pakiramdam.
Pagdating sa kanila tumuloy agad sa kanilang
kwarto. Anuba’t may dalawang pares ng paa na
nkahiga sa kanilang kama at nkakulubong pa ng
kumot. May babae ang knyang MISTER at dito pa
sa knilang bahay may ginagawa! May baseball
bat sila sa kwarto, kinuha nya iyon at hinataw
nang hinataw ang mga taksil. Nang mapagod
pghataw ay lumabas ng kwarto. Pumunta sa
kusina para uminum ng tubig at makalma ang
sarili.
Andun ang mister nya at ngluluto. “O hon ba’t
npaaga ka ng uwi? Dumating pala kninang
umaga sila NANAY at TATAY. Dun ko muna
pinagpahinga sa kwarto natin”
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Anong paboritong tinapay ng MOON ?
Edi MOONay at maMOON
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Dear Aso , Pag dadaan ako sainyo sana wag mokong tahulan at habulin,
pag ikaw nga dumadaan samin di kita tinatahulan eh
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Husband and wife went shopping to get new dresses for the wife.
After seeing numerous dresses, she shortlisted around 100 and further brought it down to 25.
Out of these, she asked her husband to choose 5 dresses among them.
Then she finally picked up one dress.
It took 5 hours to finalise one dress.
The husband settled the bill and commented :
“Adam was very lucky because he and Eve used to wear only leaves. He need not have wasted too much of time.”
Ultimate comment of wife :
“Who knows how many trees Adam had to climb and finally choose the leaves as per the wish of Eve. You are lucky u have to just sit in AC shop…”
Moral ::: Never argue with a woman while shopping.
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A guy & his wife both made a list of 5 people they’re allowed to sleep with if they ever got the opportunity.
She picked Brad Pitt, Jhonny Depp, Salman Khan, Ranbir Kapoor and Ranveer Singh.
He just picked her sister, her cousin, her best friend, their nextdoor neighbour and their son’s third grade teacher.
*Men are simple like that….they set achievable goals.*
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FINAL EXAM PAPER for *LAW STUDENTS:*
Q. A Woman was driving a *Maruti* car. She mistakenly hit a *BMW* car.
The lady came out from her BMW, insulting the other lady for not being careful, asking her to repair her BMW
The Maruti car Woman called *her husband*, he replied -“I am very busy & please try fix up the Matter by urself”
The BMW lady called her *Boyfriend* and said *Sweetheart someone just hit the Birthday Gift you gave me,* I am so angry, please come over..”
Few minutes later her *Boyfriend arrived.* He is the *Husband* to the lady with the *Maruti* car!!!!
Discuss the possible *legal consequences* for all 3 parties.. (20 Marks)
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After completion of my B.Tech from a recognised college I Got a decent job in MNC as a Engineer.
Under tremendous pressure from family to get married, I went to meet a girl under the arranged marriage system of India. After meeting, the girl rejected me upfront because she didn’t like my Job. I was furious and told her ” Just wait and see after 5 years where this job is going to take me. You will be sorry”. Of course, I moved on and got married to another girl a year later.
After 5 years,
I saw the same beautiful lady at a traffic signal with her husband in a brand new Audi. And I was trying to kick start my Activa because the battery start was not working. She looks out of the car and briefly looks at me but without any hint of recognition due to helmet, and moves her eyes away!
At that moment, after driving a two wheeler for over 5 years, first time in my life I realized the value of a helmet.
😂😂😂
So always wear a helmet in your own safety!
Issued in the public interest by a sincere Engineer
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A Mother -in -Law decides to test her three Son- in- laws for their good nature.
For this she goes for a walk by a river with the first son in law & jumps in. He saves her. Next morning he finds a Toyota corolla parked outside his house with note: From your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by the river with the second son in law & jumps in. He too saves her. Next morning he also finds a Toyota Corolla parked outside his house with note : From your Mother In Law.
Next she goes for a walk by a river with the third son in law & jumps in. He just laughs and walks away. Next morning he finds a BMW M5 parked outside his house with note:
from your Father In Law!
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Imagine going through your bae’s phone and see.
“sidechick” in the call log and when you call it
BoOom!. . your phone rings..
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